As much as I’m a sucker for the grimmest and darkest of grimdark fantasy settings, the try-hardness of it all can get a bit grating at times. You could make the same argument at the opposite end of spectrum, of course. Cosy games seem locked in a perpetual arms-race to twee each other into the dirt, chopping their rival’s dog-petting hands off and taking a sparkly tinkle on their pastel corpses. But hand-drawn RPG Heroes Of The Seven Islands feels more authentic than all that. It’s bedroom antifolk by way of chill dungeon synth, by way of an antelope sorcerer named Jean-Pierre.

Read more

I’ve likely mentioned hitting Lovecraft fatigue so often that it’s now evolved into a second phase of Lovecraft-fatigue fatigue. This is not the same as Lovecraft refreshment, no matter how much I might want to return to the days before old one plushies and Cthulhu children’s books terrorised the internet en masse. There’s not quite enough information about “story generator” sim Marry a Deep One: Innsmouth Simulator for me to confidently say it’ll cut through my exhaustion with all things tentacular and horrifically be-gilled. But it is beguiling, isn’t it? There’s all sorts of little widgets and details shown off that remind me of everything from Sid Meier’s Pirates to classic adventure games, and maybe even a little Rimworld? It’s a heady soup, although one I’d recommend against quaffing, given where the water comes from.

Read more

JDM: Rise Of The Scorpion is a free prologue for JDM: Japanese Drift Master, a racing game about - who could guess - drift racing in Japan. It's got an open world set in rural towns to burn rubber around as well as several story missions to play. You can download it from Steam now.

Read more

Earlier this week there was some minor Discourse about the removal of the Erotica photography tag from the Dead Rising remaster. Some readers characterised this as a familiar species of cultural hypocrisy regarding video games - emphasising violence is A-OK, but for the love of god, don't mention sex. Good news, those people: Dread XP's latest horror signing The Lacerator has both. It casts you as hirsute 1980s porn star Max - surname not given in press release, but presumably something like Jackin' or Girth - who has been abducted by a large scary individual called the Lacerator.

Read more

It’s an oddly Halloweeny summer week for games, this one. Dragon Age: The Veilguard’s October 31st release date leaked earlier, Steam have put together a Summer Fright Night bundle featuring RPS fave Hauntii, and I’ve got a strange urge to gorge on Haribo and mini Double Deckers until blood comes out of my eyeballs. What a perfect time, then, to dive into the alpha demo for vampire management game Blood Bar Tycoon, especially since Two Point seem to be resting on their laurels a bit too comfortably for my liking.

The idea here is you build a swanky bar serving claret cosmopolitans, ichor-ish coffees and uh, viscera vampiros to your undead clientele. But (with the sorta exception of the crimson-sapped Dracaena cinnabari) blood doesn’t grow on trees, so you’ll also be moonlighting as a human-nabber. You’ll research a slew of “whacky contraptions” to extract their blood, which I greatly enjoy, because “zany exsanguination” is a real winner of a feature. You can’t frivolously phlebotomise with impunity, however - you’ll also want to be on the lookout for vampire hunters aka the fun police.

Read more

KIBORG: Arena feels like a throwback in several ways that I quite enjoy. It’s a free prologue to the upcoming cyberpunk puncher KIBORG. The titular arena is a large room in which you, a large man, bash a large amount of enemies. You have to punch a gong between waves to trigger the next, and this struck me as a nice pre-emptive nudge that every problem you face in Kiborg can be solved by rapidly moving your fist towards offending objects, which turned out not to be too far off the mark.

Read more

As long-time readers will know, I'm a piteous mark for weird little game guys. I’m currently trying to puzzle out what the titular Mother Machine in The Curious Expedition studio Maschinen-Mensch’s upcoming co-op platformer refers to. But, if it’s a reference to forming a parental bond with what the game has saw-me-comingishly named “chaos gremlins”, I'm way ahead of you.

Ah, the press release speaketh! Probably should have read some more before I began exclaiming “Chaos Gremlins!” over and over. Have an announcement trailer.

Read more

Conan Throwbrien welcomes its host to the stage with discordant jazz and uncanny colour bars glitches. It feels eerie. Desperate. A crushing inevitability. Four joke topics appear at the bottom of the screen. Ridiculous celebrity kids names. Action figures for news anchors. Diet water sales boom. You cautiously slide that last one over to the microphone. Throwbrien emits a string of chirps, like a flame-crested lyre bird with a wounded voicebox trying to mimic human language. “Have you folks heard about this one…”

There is an implied terror in this seemingly friendly opener. What if they have heard this one? What will Throwbrien do then?

Read more

Sometimes I want to play a video game, and sometimes I just want to assemble a quiet little Dutch town with iron bridges, fountains and dinky trams bustling about like bumble bees. The project in question is Tramstertram. Aside from being a terrifying feat of punmanship, it's a browser-based building toy from Matt Stark, creator of the really rather lovely Viewfinder.

Read more

As much as I’m a sucker for the grimmest and darkest of grimdark fantasy settings, the try-hardness of it all can get a bit grating at times. You could make the same argument at the opposite end of spectrum, of course. Cosy games seem locked in a perpetual arms-race to twee each other into the dirt, chopping their rival’s dog-petting hands off and taking a sparkly tinkle on their pastel corpses. But hand-drawn RPG Heroes Of The Seven Islands feels more authentic than all that. It’s bedroom antifolk by way of chill dungeon synth, by way of an antelope sorcerer named Jean-Pierre.

Read more

I’ve likely mentioned hitting Lovecraft fatigue so often that it’s now evolved into a second phase of Lovecraft-fatigue fatigue. This is not the same as Lovecraft refreshment, no matter how much I might want to return to the days before old one plushies and Cthulhu children’s books terrorised the internet en masse. There’s not quite enough information about “story generator” sim Marry a Deep One: Innsmouth Simulator for me to confidently say it’ll cut through my exhaustion with all things tentacular and horrifically be-gilled. But it is beguiling, isn’t it? There’s all sorts of little widgets and details shown off that remind me of everything from Sid Meier’s Pirates to classic adventure games, and maybe even a little Rimworld? It’s a heady soup, although one I’d recommend against quaffing, given where the water comes from.

Read more

JDM: Rise Of The Scorpion is a free prologue for JDM: Japanese Drift Master, a racing game about - who could guess - drift racing in Japan. It's got an open world set in rural towns to burn rubber around as well as several story missions to play. You can download it from Steam now.

Read more

Earlier this week there was some minor Discourse about the removal of the Erotica photography tag from the Dead Rising remaster. Some readers characterised this as a familiar species of cultural hypocrisy regarding video games - emphasising violence is A-OK, but for the love of god, don't mention sex. Good news, those people: Dread XP's latest horror signing The Lacerator has both. It casts you as hirsute 1980s porn star Max - surname not given in press release, but presumably something like Jackin' or Girth - who has been abducted by a large scary individual called the Lacerator.

Read more

It’s an oddly Halloweeny summer week for games, this one. Dragon Age: The Veilguard’s October 31st release date leaked earlier, Steam have put together a Summer Fright Night bundle featuring RPS fave Hauntii, and I’ve got a strange urge to gorge on Haribo and mini Double Deckers until blood comes out of my eyeballs. What a perfect time, then, to dive into the alpha demo for vampire management game Blood Bar Tycoon, especially since Two Point seem to be resting on their laurels a bit too comfortably for my liking.

The idea here is you build a swanky bar serving claret cosmopolitans, ichor-ish coffees and uh, viscera vampiros to your undead clientele. But (with the sorta exception of the crimson-sapped Dracaena cinnabari) blood doesn’t grow on trees, so you’ll also be moonlighting as a human-nabber. You’ll research a slew of “whacky contraptions” to extract their blood, which I greatly enjoy, because “zany exsanguination” is a real winner of a feature. You can’t frivolously phlebotomise with impunity, however - you’ll also want to be on the lookout for vampire hunters aka the fun police.

Read more

KIBORG: Arena feels like a throwback in several ways that I quite enjoy. It’s a free prologue to the upcoming cyberpunk puncher KIBORG. The titular arena is a large room in which you, a large man, bash a large amount of enemies. You have to punch a gong between waves to trigger the next, and this struck me as a nice pre-emptive nudge that every problem you face in Kiborg can be solved by rapidly moving your fist towards offending objects, which turned out not to be too far off the mark.

Read more

As long-time readers will know, I'm a piteous mark for weird little game guys. I’m currently trying to puzzle out what the titular Mother Machine in The Curious Expedition studio Maschinen-Mensch’s upcoming co-op platformer refers to. But, if it’s a reference to forming a parental bond with what the game has saw-me-comingishly named “chaos gremlins”, I'm way ahead of you.

Ah, the press release speaketh! Probably should have read some more before I began exclaiming “Chaos Gremlins!” over and over. Have an announcement trailer.

Read more

Conan Throwbrien welcomes its host to the stage with discordant jazz and uncanny colour bars glitches. It feels eerie. Desperate. A crushing inevitability. Four joke topics appear at the bottom of the screen. Ridiculous celebrity kids names. Action figures for news anchors. Diet water sales boom. You cautiously slide that last one over to the microphone. Throwbrien emits a string of chirps, like a flame-crested lyre bird with a wounded voicebox trying to mimic human language. “Have you folks heard about this one…”

There is an implied terror in this seemingly friendly opener. What if they have heard this one? What will Throwbrien do then?

Read more

Sometimes I want to play a video game, and sometimes I just want to assemble a quiet little Dutch town with iron bridges, fountains and dinky trams bustling about like bumble bees. The project in question is Tramstertram. Aside from being a terrifying feat of punmanship, it's a browser-based building toy from Matt Stark, creator of the really rather lovely Viewfinder.

Read more

Hm. Hmmmm. Right. So, what have we got here? There’s my Blood Donor card, which reduces the value of the hearts I play, but also heals me. That’s fine, actually. Reduced score means I can squeeze in another card for more healing. If I can pull my Tarot card, I'll deal damage with each heal, and I’ve already pulled two scratch cards for yet more quick damage. Now, if I can just pull a Jack, I can plonk down the King Of Space And Time for a brutal finisher. That’ll transfer everything on my side over to my opponent’s, forcing a bust for a nice final chunk of hurt and…

Read more

I’d initially assumed that puzzle game Sliding Hero counts was a Sokoban-like, until I realised that it’s actually you, not endless boxes, that do the sliding here. Still, I wasn’t entirely convinced. The only thing that’s fun to slide back-and-forth indefinitely is a lounging cat on a smooth kitchen worktop. Still, after messing around with Sliding Hero’s Steam demo, I think this one might have much longer legs than its restrictive-sounding concept suggests. All the better to endlessly slide with.

Read more

Hm. Hmmmm. Right. So, what have we got here? There’s my Blood Donor card, which reduces the value of the hearts I play, but also heals me. That’s fine, actually. Reduced score means I can squeeze in another card for more healing. If I can pull my Tarot card, I'll deal damage with each heal, and I’ve already pulled two scratch cards for yet more quick damage. Now, if I can just pull a Jack, I can plonk down the King Of Space And Time for a brutal finisher. That’ll transfer everything on my side over to my opponent’s, forcing a bust for a nice final chunk of hurt and…

Read more

I’d initially assumed that puzzle game Sliding Hero counts was a Sokoban-like, until I realised that it’s actually you, not endless boxes, that do the sliding here. Still, I wasn’t entirely convinced. The only thing that’s fun to slide back-and-forth indefinitely is a lounging cat on a smooth kitchen worktop. Still, after messing around with Sliding Hero’s Steam demo, I think this one might have much longer legs than its restrictive-sounding concept suggests. All the better to endlessly slide with.

Read more

What is it with monstrous eating mechanics in games of late? Last week it was carnivorous post-Soviet elevators, now it’s retro fantasy RPGs that devour themselves. In Super Dungeon Muncher, you are a teeny-tiny hero navigating a corridor-shaped map full of fireball traps and crumbling platforms, spinning coins and patrolling critters. That’s the “Super Dungeon” part. The “Muncher” part refers to the corpulent red monster guzzling the whole level in your wake.

Read more

What is it with monstrous eating mechanics in games of late? Last week it was carnivorous post-Soviet elevators, now it’s retro fantasy RPGs that devour themselves. In Super Dungeon Muncher, you are a teeny-tiny hero navigating a corridor-shaped map full of fireball traps and crumbling platforms, spinning coins and patrolling critters. That’s the “Super Dungeon” part. The “Muncher” part refers to the corpulent red monster guzzling the whole level in your wake.

Read more

Toonsouls, which you can find on Steam here, doesn’t appear to screenshot especially well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of those perpetually disgruntled ghosts and charming goofskulls, but I might not be writing about the platform game at all if I hadn’t seen it in motion, where the vision comes together a lot more. The Cuphead influence runneth so overly that it feels trite to even point it out, and I do think maybe opting for different music would have served it far better in this case, but you can’t deny that Ghosts n’ Goblins lance throw. Get stuck in.

Read more

Hey, remember that 2017 roguelike called Midboss? Or that 2020 platformer called Super Bernie World, where you attempt to transform the US as a retro-fied Bernie Sanders? Yes or no, Kitsune Games have put out some good stuff in the past, and now they're back with a Super Bernie World followup: Kitsune Tails. Again, it's a Super Mario-inspired platformer, but this time it's a wonderfully queer rescue mission inspired by Japanese mythology in a way that's cutesy and colourful. And it's out today!

Read more

Well, would you look at that! I just got done pining for the merest whiff of Dungeon Keeper when what should appear on Steam but a free prologue for delightful voxel-arty management sim Dungeon Tycoon. I’m using the word ‘appear’ because, following yet more industry layoffs yesterday, I’m choosing to adopt the brain of an idiot as to shield myself from the crushing reality of material conditions. So, anyway, the magical game goblins whacked the demo on Steam, and I’ve been having a lot of fun with it. Thanks, adequately compensated and unionised gobbos!

Read more

Every time I step out of an elevator, I accelerate wildly in case the elevator falls without warning and chops me in half, leaving the frontal and, all things considered, inferior portion of my body swaying in place for a second before collapsing in a cloud of bisected bone and organ. Don't laugh: I know you do this too. Kletka isn't helping: created by in404, it's a horror scavenging game reminiscent of Lethal Company and Golden Light, in which you ponderously plummet through the layers of an "endless" post-Soviet Gigastructure, scrounging fuel, parts and provender for an elevator that wants to eat you.

Read more

In case you skipped the headline, I’ll repeat myself. Among the wonderful sights contained in space-poking adventure game The Great Fluctus are: beans, slug milk, alien volleyball, egg arguments, and massive frog. Additional screenshots suggest this frog later acquires wings. Like a captive Generation Game host, I am helpless but to shout out more incredible sights as they flutter past on the conveyor belt of pure flippin' videogame before me. It’s got dance parties with horrible gorilla aliens. It’s got building, namely the Statue Of Liberty out of goop, just as George Washington’s goop clone intended. It’s also got just sitting on a bench, enjoying some lovely serene space scenery. Feast your famished face on the trailer.

Read more

Once upon a time, my favourite place to write was on trains. Specifically, laidback intercity services with nobody else in the quiet car and certainly, none of those screeching smaller bipeds, or "children" as they are scientifically known. That idyll is now lost to me thanks to Covid: I have vulnerable family members and continue to be careful about social distancing. As such I spend most train journeys these days lurking between carriages, trolling the door sensors and scowling furiously at anybody who visits the loo. But now, thanks to the obscene magic of video games, I can get my fill of authorial locomotivation once again.

Read more

At ten past nine every evening he sends you out into the darkening world. He's the presenter of Krypta FM - pronounced with the chopped staccato of every good radio announcer as Kryp! Ta! FM! - and you are his eager listener and hopeful protege. Sniff the evening air. Breathe deep! The small town world that lies sleeping all around you is just teeming with cryptids, surely. Anyone seen a mothman lately? A werewolf? Grab a camera and get out there - but be safe, okay?

Read more

Toonsouls, which you can find on Steam here, doesn’t appear to screenshot especially well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of those perpetually disgruntled ghosts and charming goofskulls, but I might not be writing about the platform game at all if I hadn’t seen it in motion, where the vision comes together a lot more. The Cuphead influence runneth so overly that it feels trite to even point it out, and I do think maybe opting for different music would have served it far better in this case, but you can’t deny that Ghosts n’ Goblins lance throw. Get stuck in.

Read more

Grit And Valor 1949 certainly evokes the tactics of Into The Breach, with its stompy machinery and floating tile battlegrounds. But, despite all appearances, this one isn’t actually turn-based at all. A tiley, tiny real time strategy then? Aye, and one that’s actually pretty frantic as it happens. Missions are snappy, intense skirmishes. You’ll fight off waves while trying to protect your useless, freeloading command vehicle. This threat, combined with on-the-fly tactical consider-me-do's like utilising cover and keeping rock-paper-scissors matchups in your favour ends up spawning something quite distinct. Please, do stomp on, preferably with less hypens for all our sakes.

Read more

Hey, remember that 2017 roguelike called Midboss? Or that 2020 platformer called Super Bernie World, where you attempt to transform the US as a retro-fied Bernie Sanders? Yes or no, Kitsune Games have put out some good stuff in the past, and now they're back with a Super Bernie World followup: Kitsune Tails. Again, it's a Super Mario-inspired platformer, but this time it's a wonderfully queer rescue mission inspired by Japanese mythology in a way that's cutesy and colourful. And it's out today!

Read more

Well, would you look at that! I just got done pining for the merest whiff of Dungeon Keeper when what should appear on Steam but a free prologue for delightful voxel-arty management sim Dungeon Tycoon. I’m using the word ‘appear’ because, following yet more industry layoffs yesterday, I’m choosing to adopt the brain of an idiot as to shield myself from the crushing reality of material conditions. So, anyway, the magical game goblins whacked the demo on Steam, and I’ve been having a lot of fun with it. Thanks, adequately compensated and unionised gobbos!

Read more

"Do you fancy playing as a couple of skellies named 'The Boner Brothers' riding a bike and sidecar while chunky bastard-metal blasts out, also they’ve got a gun, also they can do tricks?" asked Motördoom, to which I became so instantly hyperactive I somehow worked out how to headbutt my own face. Of course I want to put a chainsaw on the front of my bike, Motördoom. Obviously I want a rougelike-able upgrade that perchance may set my demonic enemies on fire. Yes, I’d like to combine a sick manual with an action game killstreak for a very large combo, Motördoom. Is this what overly concerned parents thought PS1 games were actually like? If I got a disc with this demo on as a kid, I’d be significantly radder than I am today. Gnarly, even. Made of gnarls.

Read more

Every time I step out of an elevator, I accelerate wildly in case the elevator falls without warning and chops me in half, leaving the frontal and, all things considered, inferior portion of my body swaying in place for a second before collapsing in a cloud of bisected bone and organ. Don't laugh: I know you do this too. Kletka isn't helping: created by in404, it's a horror scavenging game reminiscent of Lethal Company and Golden Light, in which you ponderously plummet through the layers of an "endless" post-Soviet Gigastructure, scrounging fuel, parts and provender for an elevator that wants to eat you.

Read more

Readers, something actually magical has happened! I’ve spent a non-zero amount of time this week compiling a wishlist for potential Stardew Valley-likes that also let me keep pets. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to play, but I knew I was burnt out on both stabbing and shooting, and wanted something light and colourful with a solid loop that I could veg out (pun intended) with at the end of the day. I even went to so far as to create a chap named Karrot King in Stardew before quitting in disgust because I couldn’t easily access carrot seeds.

I cannot in good conscious claim that I manifested such a videogame - that was the work of Skyreach Studio. However, this is the internet, so I will both take credit for it and offer you an exclusive discount on my course. While I’m waiting for your membership fee to arrive, I’ll be playing Critter Crops. It’s a witchy farming sim in which you grow odd pets and cast spells from flesh-bound grimoires. One of the verbs it offers on its Steam page is 'noodle'. Apologies to all the other games on my wishlist.

Read more

In case you skipped the headline, I’ll repeat myself. Among the wonderful sights contained in space-poking adventure game The Great Fluctus are: beans, slug milk, alien volleyball, egg arguments, and massive frog. Additional screenshots suggest this frog later acquires wings. Like a captive Generation Game host, I am helpless but to shout out more incredible sights as they flutter past on the conveyor belt of pure flippin' videogame before me. It’s got dance parties with horrible gorilla aliens. It’s got building, namely the Statue Of Liberty out of goop, just as George Washington’s goop clone intended. It’s also got just sitting on a bench, enjoying some lovely serene space scenery. Feast your famished face on the trailer.

Read more

Once upon a time, my favourite place to write was on trains. Specifically, laidback intercity services with nobody else in the quiet car and certainly, none of those screeching smaller bipeds, or "children" as they are scientifically known. That idyll is now lost to me thanks to Covid: I have vulnerable family members and continue to be careful about social distancing. As such I spend most train journeys these days lurking between carriages, trolling the door sensors and scowling furiously at anybody who visits the loo. But now, thanks to the obscene magic of video games, I can get my fill of authorial locomotivation once again.

Read more

Fish! Tea! Time! Space! An ‘immersive horror sim’! Stopping the sun from not burning anymore but also not getting burnt in the process! Locally Sourced Anthology I: A Space Atlas does not, somewhat disappointingly, offer the infinite possible game concepts that space allows for. It’s got eight though, which I must say is a good start. Eight experimental indies from different developers, each equally taking part in space as the last.

Read more

At ten past nine every evening he sends you out into the darkening world. He's the presenter of Krypta FM - pronounced with the chopped staccato of every good radio announcer as Kryp! Ta! FM! - and you are his eager listener and hopeful protege. Sniff the evening air. Breathe deep! The small town world that lies sleeping all around you is just teeming with cryptids, surely. Anyone seen a mothman lately? A werewolf? Grab a camera and get out there - but be safe, okay?

Read more

Grit And Valor 1949 certainly evokes the tactics of Into The Breach, with its stompy machinery and floating tile battlegrounds. But, despite all appearances, this one isn’t actually turn-based at all. A tiley, tiny real time strategy then? Aye, and one that’s actually pretty frantic as it happens. Missions are snappy, intense skirmishes. You’ll fight off waves while trying to protect your useless, freeloading command vehicle. This threat, combined with on-the-fly tactical consider-me-do's like utilising cover and keeping rock-paper-scissors matchups in your favour ends up spawning something quite distinct. Please, do stomp on, preferably with less hypens for all our sakes.

Read more

"Do you fancy playing as a couple of skellies named 'The Boner Brothers' riding a bike and sidecar while chunky bastard-metal blasts out, also they’ve got a gun, also they can do tricks?" asked Motördoom, to which I became so instantly hyperactive I somehow worked out how to headbutt my own face. Of course I want to put a chainsaw on the front of my bike, Motördoom. Obviously I want a rougelike-able upgrade that perchance may set my demonic enemies on fire. Yes, I’d like to combine a sick manual with an action game killstreak for a very large combo, Motördoom. Is this what overly concerned parents thought PS1 games were actually like? If I got a disc with this demo on as a kid, I’d be significantly radder than I am today. Gnarly, even. Made of gnarls.

Read more

Readers, something actually magical has happened! I’ve spent a non-zero amount of time this week compiling a wishlist for potential Stardew Valley-likes that also let me keep pets. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to play, but I knew I was burnt out on both stabbing and shooting, and wanted something light and colourful with a solid loop that I could veg out (pun intended) with at the end of the day. I even went to so far as to create a chap named Karrot King in Stardew before quitting in disgust because I couldn’t easily access carrot seeds.

I cannot in good conscious claim that I manifested such a videogame - that was the work of Skyreach Studio. However, this is the internet, so I will both take credit for it and offer you an exclusive discount on my course. While I’m waiting for your membership fee to arrive, I’ll be playing Critter Crops. It’s a witchy farming sim in which you grow odd pets and cast spells from flesh-bound grimoires. One of the verbs it offers on its Steam page is 'noodle'. Apologies to all the other games on my wishlist.

Read more

Fish! Tea! Time! Space! An ‘immersive horror sim’! Stopping the sun from not burning anymore but also not getting burnt in the process! Locally Sourced Anthology I: A Space Atlas does not, somewhat disappointingly, offer the infinite possible game concepts that space allows for. It’s got eight though, which I must say is a good start. Eight experimental indies from different developers, each equally taking part in space as the last.

Read more

Sometimes I have proper critical thoughts about games and sometimes I am Marge Simpson giving her opinion on a potato. Take LXD Red Honey, a free 2D metroidvania created in just 18 days for the Metroidvania Month 24 jam by sarn and OvergrownRobot, with playtesting by Oroshibu. I just think it's neat. So neat.

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What to compare Nine Sols’ flowing Sekiro-like 2D combat and layered metroidvania exploration to? The eternally sequel-less Hollow Knight? The punishing roguelite trappings of Dead Cells? 2D Souls-nuzzling Salt and Sacrifice? I wouldn’t know, because I’ve always had such trouble with slashing, blocking, and jumping in two dimensions that not only have I barely played any of the above, I’ve missed out a swathe of important platformers in the belief I just didn’t have it in me to manage them. But Nine Sols is so generous, so creative, so lucid and upfront in its ruleset, even as it crushes you with sometimes absurd difficulty, that playing it has opened up an entire library of classics I might have otherwise missed out on. I don’t have the experience to tell you what this game does better than others of its ilk, but I can tell how it made me feel. And for a game that murdered me with such relentless frequency, Nine Sols made me feel invincible.

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The Remake Of The End Of The Greatest RPG Of All Time, or TROTEOTGRPGOAT for, uh, short, is a game that exists. I normally wouldn’t let such an opaque stub of a description survive outside of a quick Trello reminder to write something better later, but I’m currently finding it fulfilling enough just to gaze upon that title and consider the fully formed art object that may soon emerge from its tantalising promises. Ok, so the visual component helps too. Orientate yourself by means of the trailer below, and let’s dig into this brazen nose-hooker of a head turner of a game that does exist, about another game that doesn’t.

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“When I was young,” the villager washing garments in the river says, “I thought it was enough to clean the dirty laundry once and be calm. Not that it will get dirty forever.” I’m not sure I’ve ever felt the crushing weight of universal entropic decay so keenly as in that RPG maker textbox, nested upon Felvidek’s nicotine-stain hues. I’ll need to clean my keyboard soon. I keep taking screenshots of Felvidek. I can’t take enough. I want to make a scrapbook of every character and every line. Neither my laundry nor keyboard will ever be clean forever either, but if I hate Felvidek for emphasising that, I love it for reminding me that all the best art is buttressed by an irremovable layer of deep, thick grime.

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