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The Crush House review: sassiety of the spectacle

When I zoom the camera on Alex's momentarily untensed face while he's dozing by the pool, it's not because I'm a creep. When I pursue Ayo and Dija around the garden, keeping their feet and butts in shot as they belittle each other, it's not because I'm a busybody and a lech. And when I pan to the lighthouse piercing the sunset beyond the security spikes it's not out of any feeling of wonder, or even curiosity about possible escape routes. Please understand: I do not see these people, these objects at all, just the boneless, faceless traces they leave upon my own servitude to the lens.

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This upcoming dating sim lets you romance household objects turned absolute fitties

I keep seeing those adverts for that Ray-Ban and Meta collaboration, where like, they're smart glasses that let you browse the web with your eyes? Anyway, yeah, they don't appeal to me at all. Not as much as "Dateviator" glasses, which come courtesy of Sassy Chap Games and their upcoming dating sim Date Everything! As the title suggests: you date everything, from kitchen sponges to lampshades, as they morph into absolute fitties once you've donned the special specs. It looks incredibly dumb but in the best possible way.

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This upcoming dating sim lets you romance household objects turned absolute fitties

Od: Ed Thorn

I keep seeing those adverts for that Ray-Ban and Meta collaboration, where like, they're smart glasses that let you browse the web with your eyes? Anyway, yeah, they don't appeal to me at all. Not as much as "Dateviator" glasses, which come courtesy of Sassy Chap Games and their upcoming dating sim Date Everything! As the title suggests: you date everything, from kitchen sponges to lampshades, as they morph into absolute fitties once you've donned the special specs. It looks incredibly dumb but in the best possible way.

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The 14 best dating sims on PC 2024

The 14 best dating sims on PC 2024

What are the best dating sims? These games all feature carousels of cute, courtable characters ready for romance. Whether you’re moving into a sleepy seaside town searching for love or ready to find that spark with a kick-flipping dinosaur schoolmate, players have more options now than ever to date around.

While dating is at the forefront of these simulators, great examples of the genre are feature-rich, captivating settings, underlying intrigue, and unique art direction, some of which could even be considered the best PC games overall. The top dating simulators tend to twist the traditional visual novel style and fork it into a new genre, such as adventure games or dungeon crawling - and, believe it or not, one or two even take inspiration from horror games. Regardless of where you want to look for love, this list has you covered with the best dating sims to play in 2024.

Building Relationships is A Short Hike, but you are trying to chat up toy houses

Picture a himbo tent. Now, see if you can get your mind around the concept of a flirtatious windmill. What exactly are the key architectural qualities of dwellings you might wish to go to bed with? Actually, don’t bother stretching your grey matter – you can just play Building Relationships, which is sort of A Short Hike but also, Love Island for anthropomorphic toy houses. There are demos on Itch and Steam. Be warned that you will be asked whether you’re a rooftop or a bottom floor.

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Building Relationships is A Short Hike, but you are trying to chat up toy houses

Picture a himbo tent. Now, see if you can get your mind around the concept of a flirtatious windmill. What exactly are the key architectural qualities of dwellings you might wish to go to bed with? Actually, don’t bother stretching your grey matter – you can just play Building Relationships, which is sort of A Short Hike but also, Love Island for anthropomorphic toy houses. There are demos on Itch and Steam. Be warned that you will be asked whether you’re a rooftop or a bottom floor.

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Hyper Light Drifter developer's next game spearheads Devolver Direct

Hyper Light Drifter developer Heart Machine unveiled its next game at the Devolver Direct showcase.

Called Possessor(s), it's a side-scrolling action game with a beautiful hand-drawn aesthetic set in a devastated mega-city. It's due out in 2025.

Players control two protagonists - Luca and Rehm - with melee combat involving juggles with an array of weapons like swords, bats, and even an electric guitar.

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Leery first-person reality show The Crush House steps into the limelight in August

The news panamax has come in and all the shipping containers are spilling off the deck in an uncontrollable catastrophe of trailers. Here's another: you may remember The Crush House, the colourful 90s reality show where you film the cast by day, trying to please the audience, and creep around by night, trying to investigate the unsettling true nature of the show. No? You don't remember? Well, it has been a long year. Never mind, The Crush House now has a release date. But I'm not telling you what it is until you come watch the new trailer.

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Larian's new Polish studio is a "match made in heaven" for the Baldur's Gate 3 developer's upcoming RPGs

Baldur's Gate 3 and Divinity Original Sin developers Larian today announced the opening of a new studio in Warsaw, Poland. This is RPG outfit Larian’s seventh studio worldwide, and the latest to contribute to their "24-hour development cycle" model. That’s even more hands on deck to a) keep Swen Vincke’s armour polished to a fine sheen and b) ensure smooth sailing for the two new games that Larian currently have in the works.

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Orpheus may be missing from Hades 2 but he's returning to role-playing musical Stray Gods

Role-playing musical Stray Gods is getting DLC in which you'll play as sorrowful ghostly rocker Orpheus, the developers have announced. You briefly meet Orpheus in the base game while playing as leatherclad muse Grace, finding him moping in the underworld, eyes dripping with glam rock mascara. In the DLC he makes a musical comeback on earth, alongside messenger god Hermes. I've not stumbled on Orpheus in the other mythical game of this season, Hades 2 (he showed up in the first Hades but there's no sign he's reappearing in the sequel). So it looks like fans of the ancient Greek sadboi will have to flock to Summerfall's expansion when it comes out this summer.

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Dragon Age: Dreadwolf set to arrive by next March, according to report

Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, the next entry in the series of beloved dating sims with rpgs crudely affixed with Blu Tack to their walls, is set to arrive by the end of March next year. That’s according to an updated product slate released as part of a recent quarterly earnings report, as spotted by VGC and given the Jeff Grubb seal of approval.

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