I once went back to a gathering after a friend-of-a-friend’s metal gig that I distinctly remember not because of either the party or the show, but because we drunkenly went to a big Tesco afterwards to get snacks. I also distinctly remember making a not-completely serious but also somewhat true statement at the party about how that Tesco trip was the most fun I’d had in months, after which one of the metal men sneered at me. I felt self conscious at the time, but I’ve since grown comfortable enough with myself to realise that the metal man was a joyless fool, and going to big supermarkets is at least as fun as going to average metal gigs. There is nothing a drop D power chord can evoke in me that compares to the feeling of blurrily espying a chocolate trifle in the reduced to clear section. So I wish to bring your attention to Supermarket Times.

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