Boomer Please (Buy My Apocalypse Songs)

While you’re standing around
Waiting for your grandkids to drown
Or maybe catch fire
After you’re dead and retired
You may as well listen
Get high and get pissed
To my apocalypse songs
Yes listen to this shit

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

I’ve got profiles in discourage
From The Airplane to the bees
Failed stories faded glories
All you need is flowers and beads
From Stealers Wheel to The Troggs
From glitter glam to 60s mods
And there was surely Pussy Galore
Stick around you won’t get bored

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

We didn’t stop the fire (rept)

Actual Apocalypse (2020)

Everyone’s a prepper now
Everyone’s a mutilated cow
Everyone is making vows
Everybody take a final bow

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ Macs

One mask is for the disease
One mask is for the smoke
One mask is for avoiding police
Last toke before we’re broken

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

2020 that was the year
2020 the vision is clear
Gonna need four more beers
Drown the fire in my tears

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

Ring around the platitudes
A pocket full of smug
Call & Response (rept. Many times)
East Coast Chorus
“Water water everywhere”

West Coast Chorus
“Ashes ashes”

Surfin’ Weatherman

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Shit’s getting Biblical from coast to coast
I’m moving’ to Ohio where the chicks are groovy
Surfin’ with Mike Love we’re gonna make it a movie

(to the tune of Surfing USA as stolen from Chuck Berry’s Sweet Little 16)
And they’ll be surfing in Boston
And in the ruins of Pompei
Deep in the deserts of Kashmir
L.A. has gone cra-cra
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Everybody’s freakin’ from coast to coast
Going’ back to California where the chicks are pissed
They’ll kneel before my virtue when I raise my fist

And they’ll be shooting deniers
And oil CEOs
And all Republican Senators
And every Fox News host
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi
Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

The Smarter King Of Deliria

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud

& this is the sound

[Follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Pulp (rept)

Pulp
Pulp
One slimy gulp
Cheese contrasts and compliments
A hint of leather methamphetamine crashing
Disconsolate poisoned rockabillies smashing
Or just a washed-up cabaret
Playing themes around a town without pity

Laughter as much as revulsion
Prayer beads of a tactless devotion
A goblin drinking from a guilty pump
Ectoplasm and it’s slithering amok
Could be Falstaff but I know it’s Puck
Get thee to puppetry to come unstuck

There’s something special in the grime
Lipstick smeared before a wife of crime
The whipped clean sheen of a mall
It’s only pulp but here have mine
Love ain’t like anthrax at all
It’s only pulp but give it time

It’s only pulp but give it time (rept)

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
with that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Infinite Troll

In this lightly sprinkled phase
Of quasi-historical banter
Do you like Phyllis Diller
More than Paul Kantner?

I challenge you to a high stakes game
Of triage and hospitalization
Nearly fatal illnesses terrible stillnesses
What have you got to lose then?
You have no friends and might just mend
The betting starts and some day it ends
That’s when the payoff takes its toll
Chased across the data in an infinite troll

And now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)
Now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

The Enlightenment Entitlement

Yoginini Joes has a private shaman
She screams “don’t interrupt me” at her maid called Carmen
Who’s polishing the Paltrow vagina candle
When Yogini Jones flies off the handle
Shouting “don’t touch that talisman
It awaits the sacred phalisman
Unenlightened wretch you make me tired
I live in perfect peace and you’re fucking fired

The next thing you know Yoginini’s giving lectures
On how to stay positive — her bodyguard is Hector
Hector is a killer microdosing PCP
And Yoginini Jones is selling branded tantric pee
In a definite misunderstanding Yogini contacts me
I tell her I can’t help you dear — maybe try Flea
Flea invites him up to his place for wine and brie
But hw just won’t get behind the branded tantric pee

(repeat 3 times)
Enlightenment entitlement
Tantric pee is heaven sent
Buy Gwyneth’s sacred scent
With a tasteful dash of decadent

@thehonorable

A Brief Discourse

I got the word from the Bolshevik shaman
Who thinks he’s also a Hindu Brahmin
Drank Iboga from a patented cup
I just shrugged and said “Cool what’s for supper”
Around me people were puking up shit
Put it on youtube — it could be a hit
They cried and tugged and gouged at their eyes
Pluck them out was not that surprising

But back to the operatic scene at hand
The long and boring road from madness to bland
Like reeling in the years and bobbing for Snapple
Getting paid to keep it low down and subtle
When that “all hell” broke loose I was in the back

Brokering a truce and wearing a dunce cap
Trying hard for death with pills and soda
Hovering around for just one last Mimosa

Sneerbot

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot said…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot said…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Blank Panther Party

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

I learned to multiplex before I could add
I was a murderess before I was sad
My micro-mini is way below my knees
I ain’t no goddamn tease

I hit the racetrack I was loaded with cash
Was feeling guilty and a wee bit rash
Bet all my winnings on a system crash
And now I’ve gotta dash

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

Flabbergasted

Well I used to be disgusted
And then I tried to be amused
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted
At the depth of the abuse
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life?
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other
So mark your turf — Then run for cover

Helter luxury Shelter

When you get to the bottom of the world
Just find some expensive California girls
Build a luxury home with all the convenience
Invite three billionaires and one digital genius

You’ll start a new race that’s probably pale
This human race is about to fail
Don’t worry ‘bout them you’ll soon set sail
From the launching pad in the desert sun
Who knew holocausts could be so much fun
In your helter luxury shelter
In your helter luxury shelter
Days of fire and desert swelter
In your helter luxury shelter

They Canceled Lenny Bruce

Do you remember when chaos was a state of play
Do you remember “punk rock is here to stay”
Do you remember when Sister Ray was très outré
When Bowie asked… “or even yesterday?”

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I still have a glimmer of rascalinity
But now it’s one inch short of divinity
My jest is a million miles from infinity
I may be creepy crawling towards morbidity

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I used to chatter to the birds and bees
Grabbed the branches and climbed the trees\
I’m picking fleas, man… all this disease
All that’s left now is to vomit and sneeze

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

Say The Right Thing

(first movement: Simcerely)

One more shot at glamour
Everybody’s dead in Alabama
Your status symbol’s your latest trauma
Don’t bring the noise bring the drama
Bring all the bad karma
& the Dalai Lama
& lay your burden down on me
Come on lay it down

Simcerely yours
You’re the boss
Just a lost cause
No remorse

(second movement: Draw the Curtain)

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

Reemergence as the prince of naught
Truly ready for the triumph of the nil
All the hip kids need a reason to go on
Like ’73 when I saw Satyricon

The next 4 years were sexy and steamy
I thought I was Frederick Fellini
It was a blast it couldn’t last
I even wound up with my dick in a cast

Chump change with President Carter He said peanuts I said barter
A punk group was a total nonstarter
Drunken blonde was my perfect partner

She had a poster of Ulrike Meinhoff
She knew how to kick and she knew how to scoff
When the boys tried to climb on board
Her cutting words were as a sword so…

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

(Third Movement Say The Right Thing)

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re so young

They’re no fun
They’re so young
They’re no fun

Trite makes right
Uptight
Trite makes right
Uptight
Walk upright
Polite
Walk upright
Polite

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

It’s tasty in the bakery
Sticky in the mines
We’re trying to get out
Just tell me when it’s time

She’s got the bling
But she says the right thing
It don’t mean a thing
Of thee we sing

(rept with increased stridency)

Say the right thing

The post Buy My Apocalypse Songs (15 Lyrics In Search Of Music) appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Avant God  (2016)

I want an avant god 
Loving perversity 
Unlimited diversity 

Optimized for your VR cabal 
Totally portable 
Sometimes snortable 

Gendered or not
Maybe subject to rot
Why not?

The avant god is as real
As the knees on which they kneel
Try to keep it on an even keel
The kind of god you have to steal

The avant god is false
The kind of god you must report
The kind of god that misses court
The kind of god you know you want

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

The Tedium Is The Message (2018)

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume anymore
Another song — I’m just another bore

Every day with nothin’ to sing
Luxury communism the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume any more
Another song I’m just another bore
Every day nothin’ to sing
Luxury communisms the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

(psychedelic breakdown musical interlude) 

The tedium is the message
Culture ain’t your friend
Be all psilocybin imbibin’
Strange attractor til the end
That list of albums you never send
That last attempt to make a trend
It’s all just gonna end
Culture ain’t your friend

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

Flabbergasted 

Well I used to be disgusted 
And then I tried to be amused 
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted 
At the depth of the abuse 
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date 
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate 
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life? 
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other 
So mark your turf — Then run for cover 

Our Cruel Father Who Art Beheaded (2020)

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Shallow be thy almost long tail
Thy ghosts are feted no statues erected
& all the tasty treatises are pungent stale
You took a wish upon a star
Even your golf game was subpar
And there’s no remorse just one less source
Of crumblin’’ dice & slammed shut doors

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Swallowed much too much for one man
Took his sadness to the blood bank
Now there’s nothing much left to brand
With all the sins the eater consumes
All the letting a million lilacs bloom
All the fantasies dreamed by the TV
All the tricks that say can you see

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Two Truthers and a Birther Walked Into A Bar (2016)

Two truthers and a birther walked into a bar
The truthers had some ritalin — the birther had a car
They made a pact right then and there
To tell the folks who didn’t care
About the bad things being done
And get some guns and have some fun

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers split to berkeley & hung out in a tree
The birther went to Nashville  — The Grand Opry
They planned to meet halfway between
And make the sheeple share their dream
By dropping acid in the tea
Then pirating every Tee Vee

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The birther trained the truthers in marksmanship and fight
The truthers showed the birther how to hack into a bank
But things went south when Truther One
Shared all their plans with Neil Young
Who wrote a song then turned them in
While slipping each a Mickey Finn

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers woke up sadly in a stuporous haze
They swore to all in court it had just been a phase
The birther returned to the south
Big hero by word of mouth
Did a day maybe two in jail
Ex-Governor Perry paid his bail

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

We Are Duchampians of the World (Infinite Gesture) (2019)

Libido mosquito
Found in a purse
Dead man’s soup can
Things could be worse
Infinite gesture
Obstinate curse
Reframe the same refrain
Give it another name

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

Regrettably circumspect
More sly than high
Ivy league and twee
Means shit to me
Infinite gesture
Land of the fee
Home of the craven
Reframe the same refrain

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat  (2019)

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi

Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

MONDO is Italian for World (2019)

When I opened up her fridge
Saw tablespoons of monkey jizz
Preserved within a box of lemons
Next to the tarantula venom
That is when I had to see
This was just the gal for me

All along the citadel
Physicists were raising hell
Alchemists were raising heaven
Magicians were raising seven
Fools were shouting 23
This must be the place for me

Soon an apparition came
Carrying a vial of fame
Pleased to meet you what’s my name?
“I’m the scepter and the stain”
Come on in, call me “him”
Take this number, call up Tim

It was all a mad charade
And a glorious freak parade
Some got screwed but some got laid
Most got something some got paid
Mondo is Italian for world
I knew this had to be my girl’’

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung  (2020)

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung
They weren’t having too much fun
Til Dylan came along in a big-ass truck
Sayin’’ “Hey who really gives a fuck?”

They all piled in pointing at him
Taking narcotics and drinking gin
Bob asked “who here plays guitar
Who else here is a fuckin’ star?
& if you don’t like blues harmonica
Get the fuck out my car”

Well they had to think of something
Deleuze started humming
Then Jung started dreamin’
And Gnash started schemin’

Bob said “that’ll have to do”
Guattari said “I ain’t no fool
Let’s cruise drunken through the burbs
Pretend that we’re the angry birds”

They saw the white men cooking chicken
That is when the plot did thicken
While Deleuze and Guattari screamed like angry birds
Dylan didn’t say a fuckin’ word

Soon the neighbors with their guns
Cried “go elsewhere with all your fun
We like Bob Dylan and we like puns
But we have no truck with Carl Jung”

And just to make them stay away
Said “Last week we fucked up Dr. Dre
And if you wanna see the dawn
Hey hey you you get offa my lawn”

(rept many times)
They said “hey hey you you get offa my lawn

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
With that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Blue (2020)

(every other line is verse/chorus i.e. call/response, etc.)

What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Who’s gonna be your new Tipper Gore?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Did you beat the militias to the gun store?
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Will it be televised virtual or raw?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Will it be tearful fearful and more?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
They’ve got the bullets we’ve got the queens
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Scare ‘em up with pictures of guillotines
What will you wear to the new civil war?

His name’s Erik Prince and he’s not funky
Live free or dye your hair blue
Should we wear grunge or a wee bit punky?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Frilly shirts & scarves like those elegant junkies? (distant voice shouting … “it’s only rock and roll”)
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

Not A Bug But A Feature (2017)

We all have a lot of drugs
It’s not a bug it’s a feature
And me I’m easily buzzed
So I can give you a bunch of my drugs

They tell me hugs not studs
They tell me don’t piss in the strudel
But I don’t care for their advice
I’ve got some drugs to make me nice

We’re having too much fun
And all the guns are loaded
And we were born to be wacked
And we were made to attack

We were born inside out
Like in a Cronenberg movie
But we have lots of strange drugs
Therefore the whole thing is groovy

Queerish  (2019)

You couldn’t sit outside
Without some trajectory
Some vast vocabulary
Hitting upside your head

You couldn’t read queer studies
To a Ballardian fuddy duddy
Messing with your data entry
Some self-conscious narco-mancy

Have we not lived too long?
Can you please digeriDON’T?
I’m only begging Apollo
For a few sensible follows

I only want to light up a smoke
Take a broken mirror home
Zapruder film please leave me alone
I only want an ice cream cone
(rept last 2 lines)

The Smarter King Of Deliria (2020)

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud
& this is the sound

[follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Sneerbot (2014)

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot says…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot says…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Beware The Rolling Logs  (2017ish)

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer-smelling dog
We’re gonna shoot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of spiritual babes who worship Hindus named Craig
Beware of racist grifters playing for political gain
Beware of every belief or of even giving relief
Beware of Einsturzende Neubauten as much as Judas Priest

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We shot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of eating bad things that turn out to be good
Beware of stuff that’s good for you that isn’t even food
Beware of arguing with people who quote Michel Foucault
Beware of garbage etymologists trying to steal all your faults

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We didn’t shoot P.J. O’Rourke

 (rhythm change)
When the world is almost over
I’m gonna be that fat lady who sings
So much to do in-between
Get big tits – record some hits
Maybe get married to Sting

How To Explain The Details

He took wheels made of concrete, tied them to a dead ox
Then put a boy who had both measles and the mumps on top
Boiled some tea using cadmium and rotted melon
And to guard it all he bought a matching set of escaped felons

At the opening with Jeff Koons Hirst and Emin
Drinking Pernod and passing out buttered pillow trim
Laughing vigorously at all of Emin’s cynical jokes
When the testicles of Valentino emerged from out my throat

What to do then how to explain the details?
It was that trip to Spain where I came upon some entrails
They weren’t testicular damned I cried in my defense
The artist just laughed at me and said this chokes at your expense

And that’s how I learned the ways of sensual martyrs
Not from some blue hair punkette in Stiv Bators dog collar
It took a friendly tea of cadmium and some melon stink
And something about Jeff Koons that made me want to go to sleep

Vertigo & World War 3 (2022)

With no fucks left to give
We fell into the abyss
And kept falling & falling falling endlessly
Vertigo and World War Three

And the gods said…
We gave them the pandemic
We sent some great floods
Australia was pretty much on fire
We got them to accept eating bugs
But World War 3 is gonna be big
Fry the trees and roast the pigs
And here’s the hilarious kicker
We’ll call the newsman Wolf Blitzer

Yes all the gods laughed and laughed
“Oh man that’s just way to crass”
Let’s get this thing movin’
Get around to shootin’ Putin
And America all rootin’ tootin’
Will probably give the final bruisin’
Drop the big one like once before
Melt the earth down to its core
What do you think the money was for?

Ain’t no micro-aggression
Get over yourself
No cure for depression
There’s nukes on that shelf
No contested election
No stories to tell
Death in every direction
Yes this is hell

Have a Dramamine
Have a wacky dream
Have a widespread illness
Take some time for silliness
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go
Vertigo

Don’t you know the way?
Just say Namaste
But don’t say gay
Watch those assholes pray
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go

Ignore  (2020)

Ignore
Out of boredom or torpor
The trending thing is so soporific
& your beauty & the moonlight is so terrific
So ignore

Ignore
Every Marie Kondo urging you pep talk
Every ugly rumor about Johnny Depp
Just ignore

& when you’re stuck in traffic
Some MAGA wearing a leather jacket
Some argument that trades logic for static
Ignore

And if everybody else lost the plot
& you ask are they really alive or not
Just lay yourself down on the cot
Have some whiskey & a little pot
& ignore

The post Infinite Gesture — 21 Lyrics in Search of Music appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Boomer Please (Buy My Apocalypse Songs)

While you’re standing around
Waiting for your grandkids to drown
Or maybe catch fire
After you’re dead and retired
You may as well listen
Get high and get pissed
To my apocalypse songs
Yes listen to this shit

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

I’ve got profiles in discourage
From The Airplane to the bees
Failed stories faded glories
All you need is flowers and beads
From Stealers Wheel to The Troggs
From glitter glam to 60s mods
And there was surely Pussy Galore
Stick around you won’t get bored

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

We didn’t stop the fire (rept)

Actual Apocalypse (2020)

Everyone’s a prepper now
Everyone’s a mutilated cow
Everyone is making vows
Everybody take a final bow

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ Macs

One mask is for the disease
One mask is for the smoke
One mask is for avoiding police
Last toke before we’re broken

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

2020 that was the year
2020 the vision is clear
Gonna need four more beers
Drown the fire in my tears

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

Ring around the platitudes
A pocket full of smug
Call & Response (rept. Many times)
East Coast Chorus
“Water water everywhere”

West Coast Chorus
“Ashes ashes”

Surfin’ Weatherman

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Shit’s getting Biblical from coast to coast
I’m moving’ to Ohio where the chicks are groovy
Surfin’ with Mike Love we’re gonna make it a movie

(to the tune of Surfing USA as stolen from Chuck Berry’s Sweet Little 16)
And they’ll be surfing in Boston
And in the ruins of Pompei
Deep in the deserts of Kashmir
L.A. has gone cra-cra
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Everybody’s freakin’ from coast to coast
Going’ back to California where the chicks are pissed
They’ll kneel before my virtue when I raise my fist

And they’ll be shooting deniers
And oil CEOs
And all Republican Senators
And every Fox News host
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi
Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

The Smarter King Of Deliria

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud

& this is the sound

[Follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Pulp (rept)

Pulp
Pulp
One slimy gulp
Cheese contrasts and compliments
A hint of leather methamphetamine crashing
Disconsolate poisoned rockabillies smashing
Or just a washed-up cabaret
Playing themes around a town without pity

Laughter as much as revulsion
Prayer beads of a tactless devotion
A goblin drinking from a guilty pump
Ectoplasm and it’s slithering amok
Could be Falstaff but I know it’s Puck
Get thee to puppetry to come unstuck

There’s something special in the grime
Lipstick smeared before a wife of crime
The whipped clean sheen of a mall
It’s only pulp but here have mine
Love ain’t like anthrax at all
It’s only pulp but give it time

It’s only pulp but give it time (rept)

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
with that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Infinite Troll

In this lightly sprinkled phase
Of quasi-historical banter
Do you like Phyllis Diller
More than Paul Kantner?

I challenge you to a high stakes game
Of triage and hospitalization
Nearly fatal illnesses terrible stillnesses
What have you got to lose then?
You have no friends and might just mend
The betting starts and some day it ends
That’s when the payoff takes its toll
Chased across the data in an infinite troll

And now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)
Now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

The Enlightenment Entitlement

Yoginini Joes has a private shaman
She screams “don’t interrupt me” at her maid called Carmen
Who’s polishing the Paltrow vagina candle
When Yogini Jones flies off the handle
Shouting “don’t touch that talisman
It awaits the sacred phalisman
Unenlightened wretch you make me tired
I live in perfect peace and you’re fucking fired

The next thing you know Yoginini’s giving lectures
On how to stay positive — her bodyguard is Hector
Hector is a killer microdosing PCP
And Yoginini Jones is selling branded tantric pee
In a definite misunderstanding Yogini contacts me
I tell her I can’t help you dear — maybe try Flea
Flea invites him up to his place for wine and brie
But hw just won’t get behind the branded tantric pee

(repeat 3 times)
Enlightenment entitlement
Tantric pee is heaven sent
Buy Gwyneth’s sacred scent
With a tasteful dash of decadent

@thehonorable

A Brief Discourse

I got the word from the Bolshevik shaman
Who thinks he’s also a Hindu Brahmin
Drank Iboga from a patented cup
I just shrugged and said “Cool what’s for supper”
Around me people were puking up shit
Put it on youtube — it could be a hit
They cried and tugged and gouged at their eyes
Pluck them out was not that surprising

But back to the operatic scene at hand
The long and boring road from madness to bland
Like reeling in the years and bobbing for Snapple
Getting paid to keep it low down and subtle
When that “all hell” broke loose I was in the back

Brokering a truce and wearing a dunce cap
Trying hard for death with pills and soda
Hovering around for just one last Mimosa

Sneerbot

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot said…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot said…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Blank Panther Party

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

I learned to multiplex before I could add
I was a murderess before I was sad
My micro-mini is way below my knees
I ain’t no goddamn tease

I hit the racetrack I was loaded with cash
Was feeling guilty and a wee bit rash
Bet all my winnings on a system crash
And now I’ve gotta dash

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

Flabbergasted

Well I used to be disgusted
And then I tried to be amused
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted
At the depth of the abuse
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life?
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other
So mark your turf — Then run for cover

Helter luxury Shelter

When you get to the bottom of the world
Just find some expensive California girls
Build a luxury home with all the convenience
Invite three billionaires and one digital genius

You’ll start a new race that’s probably pale
This human race is about to fail
Don’t worry ‘bout them you’ll soon set sail
From the launching pad in the desert sun
Who knew holocausts could be so much fun
In your helter luxury shelter
In your helter luxury shelter
Days of fire and desert swelter
In your helter luxury shelter

They Canceled Lenny Bruce

Do you remember when chaos was a state of play
Do you remember “punk rock is here to stay”
Do you remember when Sister Ray was très outré
When Bowie asked… “or even yesterday?”

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I still have a glimmer of rascalinity
But now it’s one inch short of divinity
My jest is a million miles from infinity
I may be creepy crawling towards morbidity

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I used to chatter to the birds and bees
Grabbed the branches and climbed the trees\
I’m picking fleas, man… all this disease
All that’s left now is to vomit and sneeze

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

Say The Right Thing

(first movement: Simcerely)

One more shot at glamour
Everybody’s dead in Alabama
Your status symbol’s your latest trauma
Don’t bring the noise bring the drama
Bring all the bad karma
& the Dalai Lama
& lay your burden down on me
Come on lay it down

Simcerely yours
You’re the boss
Just a lost cause
No remorse

(second movement: Draw the Curtain)

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

Reemergence as the prince of naught
Truly ready for the triumph of the nil
All the hip kids need a reason to go on
Like ’73 when I saw Satyricon

The next 4 years were sexy and steamy
I thought I was Frederick Fellini
It was a blast it couldn’t last
I even wound up with my dick in a cast

Chump change with President Carter He said peanuts I said barter
A punk group was a total nonstarter
Drunken blonde was my perfect partner

She had a poster of Ulrike Meinhoff
She knew how to kick and she knew how to scoff
When the boys tried to climb on board
Her cutting words were as a sword so…

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

(Third Movement Say The Right Thing)

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re so young

They’re no fun
They’re so young
They’re no fun

Trite makes right
Uptight
Trite makes right
Uptight
Walk upright
Polite
Walk upright
Polite

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

It’s tasty in the bakery
Sticky in the mines
We’re trying to get out
Just tell me when it’s time

She’s got the bling
But she says the right thing
It don’t mean a thing
Of thee we sing

(rept with increased stridency)

Say the right thing

The post Buy My Apocalypse Songs (15 Lyrics In Search Of Music) appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Avant God  (2016)

I want an avant god 
Loving perversity 
Unlimited diversity 

Optimized for your VR cabal 
Totally portable 
Sometimes snortable 

Gendered or not
Maybe subject to rot
Why not?

The avant god is as real
As the knees on which they kneel
Try to keep it on an even keel
The kind of god you have to steal

The avant god is false
The kind of god you must report
The kind of god that misses court
The kind of god you know you want

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

The Tedium Is The Message (2018)

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume anymore
Another song — I’m just another bore

Every day with nothin’ to sing
Luxury communism the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume any more
Another song I’m just another bore
Every day nothin’ to sing
Luxury communisms the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

(psychedelic breakdown musical interlude) 

The tedium is the message
Culture ain’t your friend
Be all psilocybin imbibin’
Strange attractor til the end
That list of albums you never send
That last attempt to make a trend
It’s all just gonna end
Culture ain’t your friend

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

Flabbergasted 

Well I used to be disgusted 
And then I tried to be amused 
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted 
At the depth of the abuse 
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date 
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate 
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life? 
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other 
So mark your turf — Then run for cover 

Our Cruel Father Who Art Beheaded (2020)

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Shallow be thy almost long tail
Thy ghosts are feted no statues erected
& all the tasty treatises are pungent stale
You took a wish upon a star
Even your golf game was subpar
And there’s no remorse just one less source
Of crumblin’’ dice & slammed shut doors

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Swallowed much too much for one man
Took his sadness to the blood bank
Now there’s nothing much left to brand
With all the sins the eater consumes
All the letting a million lilacs bloom
All the fantasies dreamed by the TV
All the tricks that say can you see

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Two Truthers and a Birther Walked Into A Bar (2016)

Two truthers and a birther walked into a bar
The truthers had some ritalin — the birther had a car
They made a pact right then and there
To tell the folks who didn’t care
About the bad things being done
And get some guns and have some fun

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers split to berkeley & hung out in a tree
The birther went to Nashville  — The Grand Opry
They planned to meet halfway between
And make the sheeple share their dream
By dropping acid in the tea
Then pirating every Tee Vee

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The birther trained the truthers in marksmanship and fight
The truthers showed the birther how to hack into a bank
But things went south when Truther One
Shared all their plans with Neil Young
Who wrote a song then turned them in
While slipping each a Mickey Finn

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers woke up sadly in a stuporous haze
They swore to all in court it had just been a phase
The birther returned to the south
Big hero by word of mouth
Did a day maybe two in jail
Ex-Governor Perry paid his bail

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

We Are Duchampians of the World (Infinite Gesture) (2019)

Libido mosquito
Found in a purse
Dead man’s soup can
Things could be worse
Infinite gesture
Obstinate curse
Reframe the same refrain
Give it another name

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

Regrettably circumspect
More sly than high
Ivy league and twee
Means shit to me
Infinite gesture
Land of the fee
Home of the craven
Reframe the same refrain

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat  (2019)

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi

Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

MONDO is Italian for World (2019)

When I opened up her fridge
Saw tablespoons of monkey jizz
Preserved within a box of lemons
Next to the tarantula venom
That is when I had to see
This was just the gal for me

All along the citadel
Physicists were raising hell
Alchemists were raising heaven
Magicians were raising seven
Fools were shouting 23
This must be the place for me

Soon an apparition came
Carrying a vial of fame
Pleased to meet you what’s my name?
“I’m the scepter and the stain”
Come on in, call me “him”
Take this number, call up Tim

It was all a mad charade
And a glorious freak parade
Some got screwed but some got laid
Most got something some got paid
Mondo is Italian for world
I knew this had to be my girl’’

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung  (2020)

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung
They weren’t having too much fun
Til Dylan came along in a big-ass truck
Sayin’’ “Hey who really gives a fuck?”

They all piled in pointing at him
Taking narcotics and drinking gin
Bob asked “who here plays guitar
Who else here is a fuckin’ star?
& if you don’t like blues harmonica
Get the fuck out my car”

Well they had to think of something
Deleuze started humming
Then Jung started dreamin’
And Gnash started schemin’

Bob said “that’ll have to do”
Guattari said “I ain’t no fool
Let’s cruise drunken through the burbs
Pretend that we’re the angry birds”

They saw the white men cooking chicken
That is when the plot did thicken
While Deleuze and Guattari screamed like angry birds
Dylan didn’t say a fuckin’ word

Soon the neighbors with their guns
Cried “go elsewhere with all your fun
We like Bob Dylan and we like puns
But we have no truck with Carl Jung”

And just to make them stay away
Said “Last week we fucked up Dr. Dre
And if you wanna see the dawn
Hey hey you you get offa my lawn”

(rept many times)
They said “hey hey you you get offa my lawn

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
With that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Blue (2020)

(every other line is verse/chorus i.e. call/response, etc.)

What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Who’s gonna be your new Tipper Gore?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Did you beat the militias to the gun store?
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Will it be televised virtual or raw?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Will it be tearful fearful and more?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
They’ve got the bullets we’ve got the queens
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Scare ‘em up with pictures of guillotines
What will you wear to the new civil war?

His name’s Erik Prince and he’s not funky
Live free or dye your hair blue
Should we wear grunge or a wee bit punky?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Frilly shirts & scarves like those elegant junkies? (distant voice shouting … “it’s only rock and roll”)
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

Not A Bug But A Feature (2017)

We all have a lot of drugs
It’s not a bug it’s a feature
And me I’m easily buzzed
So I can give you a bunch of my drugs

They tell me hugs not studs
They tell me don’t piss in the strudel
But I don’t care for their advice
I’ve got some drugs to make me nice

We’re having too much fun
And all the guns are loaded
And we were born to be wacked
And we were made to attack

We were born inside out
Like in a Cronenberg movie
But we have lots of strange drugs
Therefore the whole thing is groovy

Queerish  (2019)

You couldn’t sit outside
Without some trajectory
Some vast vocabulary
Hitting upside your head

You couldn’t read queer studies
To a Ballardian fuddy duddy
Messing with your data entry
Some self-conscious narco-mancy

Have we not lived too long?
Can you please digeriDON’T?
I’m only begging Apollo
For a few sensible follows

I only want to light up a smoke
Take a broken mirror home
Zapruder film please leave me alone
I only want an ice cream cone
(rept last 2 lines)

The Smarter King Of Deliria (2020)

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud
& this is the sound

[follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Sneerbot (2014)

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot says…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot says…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Beware The Rolling Logs  (2017ish)

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer-smelling dog
We’re gonna shoot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of spiritual babes who worship Hindus named Craig
Beware of racist grifters playing for political gain
Beware of every belief or of even giving relief
Beware of Einsturzende Neubauten as much as Judas Priest

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We shot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of eating bad things that turn out to be good
Beware of stuff that’s good for you that isn’t even food
Beware of arguing with people who quote Michel Foucault
Beware of garbage etymologists trying to steal all your faults

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We didn’t shoot P.J. O’Rourke

 (rhythm change)
When the world is almost over
I’m gonna be that fat lady who sings
So much to do in-between
Get big tits – record some hits
Maybe get married to Sting

How To Explain The Details

He took wheels made of concrete, tied them to a dead ox
Then put a boy who had both measles and the mumps on top
Boiled some tea using cadmium and rotted melon
And to guard it all he bought a matching set of escaped felons

At the opening with Jeff Koons Hirst and Emin
Drinking Pernod and passing out buttered pillow trim
Laughing vigorously at all of Emin’s cynical jokes
When the testicles of Valentino emerged from out my throat

What to do then how to explain the details?
It was that trip to Spain where I came upon some entrails
They weren’t testicular damned I cried in my defense
The artist just laughed at me and said this chokes at your expense

And that’s how I learned the ways of sensual martyrs
Not from some blue hair punkette in Stiv Bators dog collar
It took a friendly tea of cadmium and some melon stink
And something about Jeff Koons that made me want to go to sleep

Vertigo & World War 3 (2022)

With no fucks left to give
We fell into the abyss
And kept falling & falling falling endlessly
Vertigo and World War Three

And the gods said…
We gave them the pandemic
We sent some great floods
Australia was pretty much on fire
We got them to accept eating bugs
But World War 3 is gonna be big
Fry the trees and roast the pigs
And here’s the hilarious kicker
We’ll call the newsman Wolf Blitzer

Yes all the gods laughed and laughed
“Oh man that’s just way to crass”
Let’s get this thing movin’
Get around to shootin’ Putin
And America all rootin’ tootin’
Will probably give the final bruisin’
Drop the big one like once before
Melt the earth down to its core
What do you think the money was for?

Ain’t no micro-aggression
Get over yourself
No cure for depression
There’s nukes on that shelf
No contested election
No stories to tell
Death in every direction
Yes this is hell

Have a Dramamine
Have a wacky dream
Have a widespread illness
Take some time for silliness
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go
Vertigo

Don’t you know the way?
Just say Namaste
But don’t say gay
Watch those assholes pray
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go

Ignore  (2020)

Ignore
Out of boredom or torpor
The trending thing is so soporific
& your beauty & the moonlight is so terrific
So ignore

Ignore
Every Marie Kondo urging you pep talk
Every ugly rumor about Johnny Depp
Just ignore

& when you’re stuck in traffic
Some MAGA wearing a leather jacket
Some argument that trades logic for static
Ignore

And if everybody else lost the plot
& you ask are they really alive or not
Just lay yourself down on the cot
Have some whiskey & a little pot
& ignore

The post Infinite Gesture — 21 Lyrics in Search of Music appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Boomer Please (Buy My Apocalypse Songs)

While you’re standing around
Waiting for your grandkids to drown
Or maybe catch fire
After you’re dead and retired
You may as well listen
Get high and get pissed
To my apocalypse songs
Yes listen to this shit

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

I’ve got profiles in discourage
From The Airplane to the bees
Failed stories faded glories
All you need is flowers and beads
From Stealers Wheel to The Troggs
From glitter glam to 60s mods
And there was surely Pussy Galore
Stick around you won’t get bored

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

We didn’t stop the fire (rept)

Actual Apocalypse (2020)

Everyone’s a prepper now
Everyone’s a mutilated cow
Everyone is making vows
Everybody take a final bow

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ Macs

One mask is for the disease
One mask is for the smoke
One mask is for avoiding police
Last toke before we’re broken

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

2020 that was the year
2020 the vision is clear
Gonna need four more beers
Drown the fire in my tears

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

Ring around the platitudes
A pocket full of smug
Call & Response (rept. Many times)
East Coast Chorus
“Water water everywhere”

West Coast Chorus
“Ashes ashes”

Surfin’ Weatherman

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Shit’s getting Biblical from coast to coast
I’m moving’ to Ohio where the chicks are groovy
Surfin’ with Mike Love we’re gonna make it a movie

(to the tune of Surfing USA as stolen from Chuck Berry’s Sweet Little 16)
And they’ll be surfing in Boston
And in the ruins of Pompei
Deep in the deserts of Kashmir
L.A. has gone cra-cra
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Everybody’s freakin’ from coast to coast
Going’ back to California where the chicks are pissed
They’ll kneel before my virtue when I raise my fist

And they’ll be shooting deniers
And oil CEOs
And all Republican Senators
And every Fox News host
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi
Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

The Smarter King Of Deliria

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud

& this is the sound

[Follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Pulp (rept)

Pulp
Pulp
One slimy gulp
Cheese contrasts and compliments
A hint of leather methamphetamine crashing
Disconsolate poisoned rockabillies smashing
Or just a washed-up cabaret
Playing themes around a town without pity

Laughter as much as revulsion
Prayer beads of a tactless devotion
A goblin drinking from a guilty pump
Ectoplasm and it’s slithering amok
Could be Falstaff but I know it’s Puck
Get thee to puppetry to come unstuck

There’s something special in the grime
Lipstick smeared before a wife of crime
The whipped clean sheen of a mall
It’s only pulp but here have mine
Love ain’t like anthrax at all
It’s only pulp but give it time

It’s only pulp but give it time (rept)

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
with that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Infinite Troll

In this lightly sprinkled phase
Of quasi-historical banter
Do you like Phyllis Diller
More than Paul Kantner?

I challenge you to a high stakes game
Of triage and hospitalization
Nearly fatal illnesses terrible stillnesses
What have you got to lose then?
You have no friends and might just mend
The betting starts and some day it ends
That’s when the payoff takes its toll
Chased across the data in an infinite troll

And now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)
Now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

The Enlightenment Entitlement

Yoginini Joes has a private shaman
She screams “don’t interrupt me” at her maid called Carmen
Who’s polishing the Paltrow vagina candle
When Yogini Jones flies off the handle
Shouting “don’t touch that talisman
It awaits the sacred phalisman
Unenlightened wretch you make me tired
I live in perfect peace and you’re fucking fired

The next thing you know Yoginini’s giving lectures
On how to stay positive — her bodyguard is Hector
Hector is a killer microdosing PCP
And Yoginini Jones is selling branded tantric pee
In a definite misunderstanding Yogini contacts me
I tell her I can’t help you dear — maybe try Flea
Flea invites him up to his place for wine and brie
But hw just won’t get behind the branded tantric pee

(repeat 3 times)
Enlightenment entitlement
Tantric pee is heaven sent
Buy Gwyneth’s sacred scent
With a tasteful dash of decadent

@thehonorable

A Brief Discourse

I got the word from the Bolshevik shaman
Who thinks he’s also a Hindu Brahmin
Drank Iboga from a patented cup
I just shrugged and said “Cool what’s for supper”
Around me people were puking up shit
Put it on youtube — it could be a hit
They cried and tugged and gouged at their eyes
Pluck them out was not that surprising

But back to the operatic scene at hand
The long and boring road from madness to bland
Like reeling in the years and bobbing for Snapple
Getting paid to keep it low down and subtle
When that “all hell” broke loose I was in the back

Brokering a truce and wearing a dunce cap
Trying hard for death with pills and soda
Hovering around for just one last Mimosa

Sneerbot

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot said…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot said…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Blank Panther Party

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

I learned to multiplex before I could add
I was a murderess before I was sad
My micro-mini is way below my knees
I ain’t no goddamn tease

I hit the racetrack I was loaded with cash
Was feeling guilty and a wee bit rash
Bet all my winnings on a system crash
And now I’ve gotta dash

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

Flabbergasted

Well I used to be disgusted
And then I tried to be amused
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted
At the depth of the abuse
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life?
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other
So mark your turf — Then run for cover

Helter luxury Shelter

When you get to the bottom of the world
Just find some expensive California girls
Build a luxury home with all the convenience
Invite three billionaires and one digital genius

You’ll start a new race that’s probably pale
This human race is about to fail
Don’t worry ‘bout them you’ll soon set sail
From the launching pad in the desert sun
Who knew holocausts could be so much fun
In your helter luxury shelter
In your helter luxury shelter
Days of fire and desert swelter
In your helter luxury shelter

They Canceled Lenny Bruce

Do you remember when chaos was a state of play
Do you remember “punk rock is here to stay”
Do you remember when Sister Ray was très outré
When Bowie asked… “or even yesterday?”

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I still have a glimmer of rascalinity
But now it’s one inch short of divinity
My jest is a million miles from infinity
I may be creepy crawling towards morbidity

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I used to chatter to the birds and bees
Grabbed the branches and climbed the trees\
I’m picking fleas, man… all this disease
All that’s left now is to vomit and sneeze

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

Say The Right Thing

(first movement: Simcerely)

One more shot at glamour
Everybody’s dead in Alabama
Your status symbol’s your latest trauma
Don’t bring the noise bring the drama
Bring all the bad karma
& the Dalai Lama
& lay your burden down on me
Come on lay it down

Simcerely yours
You’re the boss
Just a lost cause
No remorse

(second movement: Draw the Curtain)

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

Reemergence as the prince of naught
Truly ready for the triumph of the nil
All the hip kids need a reason to go on
Like ’73 when I saw Satyricon

The next 4 years were sexy and steamy
I thought I was Frederick Fellini
It was a blast it couldn’t last
I even wound up with my dick in a cast

Chump change with President Carter He said peanuts I said barter
A punk group was a total nonstarter
Drunken blonde was my perfect partner

She had a poster of Ulrike Meinhoff
She knew how to kick and she knew how to scoff
When the boys tried to climb on board
Her cutting words were as a sword so…

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

(Third Movement Say The Right Thing)

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re so young

They’re no fun
They’re so young
They’re no fun

Trite makes right
Uptight
Trite makes right
Uptight
Walk upright
Polite
Walk upright
Polite

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

It’s tasty in the bakery
Sticky in the mines
We’re trying to get out
Just tell me when it’s time

She’s got the bling
But she says the right thing
It don’t mean a thing
Of thee we sing

(rept with increased stridency)

Say the right thing

The post Buy My Apocalypse Songs (15 Lyrics In Search Of Music) appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Avant God  (2016)

I want an avant god 
Loving perversity 
Unlimited diversity 

Optimized for your VR cabal 
Totally portable 
Sometimes snortable 

Gendered or not
Maybe subject to rot
Why not?

The avant god is as real
As the knees on which they kneel
Try to keep it on an even keel
The kind of god you have to steal

The avant god is false
The kind of god you must report
The kind of god that misses court
The kind of god you know you want

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

The Tedium Is The Message (2018)

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume anymore
Another song — I’m just another bore

Every day with nothin’ to sing
Luxury communism the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume any more
Another song I’m just another bore
Every day nothin’ to sing
Luxury communisms the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

(psychedelic breakdown musical interlude) 

The tedium is the message
Culture ain’t your friend
Be all psilocybin imbibin’
Strange attractor til the end
That list of albums you never send
That last attempt to make a trend
It’s all just gonna end
Culture ain’t your friend

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

Flabbergasted 

Well I used to be disgusted 
And then I tried to be amused 
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted 
At the depth of the abuse 
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date 
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate 
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life? 
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other 
So mark your turf — Then run for cover 

Our Cruel Father Who Art Beheaded (2020)

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Shallow be thy almost long tail
Thy ghosts are feted no statues erected
& all the tasty treatises are pungent stale
You took a wish upon a star
Even your golf game was subpar
And there’s no remorse just one less source
Of crumblin’’ dice & slammed shut doors

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Swallowed much too much for one man
Took his sadness to the blood bank
Now there’s nothing much left to brand
With all the sins the eater consumes
All the letting a million lilacs bloom
All the fantasies dreamed by the TV
All the tricks that say can you see

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Two Truthers and a Birther Walked Into A Bar (2016)

Two truthers and a birther walked into a bar
The truthers had some ritalin — the birther had a car
They made a pact right then and there
To tell the folks who didn’t care
About the bad things being done
And get some guns and have some fun

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers split to berkeley & hung out in a tree
The birther went to Nashville  — The Grand Opry
They planned to meet halfway between
And make the sheeple share their dream
By dropping acid in the tea
Then pirating every Tee Vee

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The birther trained the truthers in marksmanship and fight
The truthers showed the birther how to hack into a bank
But things went south when Truther One
Shared all their plans with Neil Young
Who wrote a song then turned them in
While slipping each a Mickey Finn

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers woke up sadly in a stuporous haze
They swore to all in court it had just been a phase
The birther returned to the south
Big hero by word of mouth
Did a day maybe two in jail
Ex-Governor Perry paid his bail

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

We Are Duchampians of the World (Infinite Gesture) (2019)

Libido mosquito
Found in a purse
Dead man’s soup can
Things could be worse
Infinite gesture
Obstinate curse
Reframe the same refrain
Give it another name

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

Regrettably circumspect
More sly than high
Ivy league and twee
Means shit to me
Infinite gesture
Land of the fee
Home of the craven
Reframe the same refrain

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat  (2019)

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi

Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

MONDO is Italian for World (2019)

When I opened up her fridge
Saw tablespoons of monkey jizz
Preserved within a box of lemons
Next to the tarantula venom
That is when I had to see
This was just the gal for me

All along the citadel
Physicists were raising hell
Alchemists were raising heaven
Magicians were raising seven
Fools were shouting 23
This must be the place for me

Soon an apparition came
Carrying a vial of fame
Pleased to meet you what’s my name?
“I’m the scepter and the stain”
Come on in, call me “him”
Take this number, call up Tim

It was all a mad charade
And a glorious freak parade
Some got screwed but some got laid
Most got something some got paid
Mondo is Italian for world
I knew this had to be my girl’’

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung  (2020)

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung
They weren’t having too much fun
Til Dylan came along in a big-ass truck
Sayin’’ “Hey who really gives a fuck?”

They all piled in pointing at him
Taking narcotics and drinking gin
Bob asked “who here plays guitar
Who else here is a fuckin’ star?
& if you don’t like blues harmonica
Get the fuck out my car”

Well they had to think of something
Deleuze started humming
Then Jung started dreamin’
And Gnash started schemin’

Bob said “that’ll have to do”
Guattari said “I ain’t no fool
Let’s cruise drunken through the burbs
Pretend that we’re the angry birds”

They saw the white men cooking chicken
That is when the plot did thicken
While Deleuze and Guattari screamed like angry birds
Dylan didn’t say a fuckin’ word

Soon the neighbors with their guns
Cried “go elsewhere with all your fun
We like Bob Dylan and we like puns
But we have no truck with Carl Jung”

And just to make them stay away
Said “Last week we fucked up Dr. Dre
And if you wanna see the dawn
Hey hey you you get offa my lawn”

(rept many times)
They said “hey hey you you get offa my lawn

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
With that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Blue (2020)

(every other line is verse/chorus i.e. call/response, etc.)

What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Who’s gonna be your new Tipper Gore?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Did you beat the militias to the gun store?
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Will it be televised virtual or raw?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Will it be tearful fearful and more?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
They’ve got the bullets we’ve got the queens
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Scare ‘em up with pictures of guillotines
What will you wear to the new civil war?

His name’s Erik Prince and he’s not funky
Live free or dye your hair blue
Should we wear grunge or a wee bit punky?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Frilly shirts & scarves like those elegant junkies? (distant voice shouting … “it’s only rock and roll”)
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

Not A Bug But A Feature (2017)

We all have a lot of drugs
It’s not a bug it’s a feature
And me I’m easily buzzed
So I can give you a bunch of my drugs

They tell me hugs not studs
They tell me don’t piss in the strudel
But I don’t care for their advice
I’ve got some drugs to make me nice

We’re having too much fun
And all the guns are loaded
And we were born to be wacked
And we were made to attack

We were born inside out
Like in a Cronenberg movie
But we have lots of strange drugs
Therefore the whole thing is groovy

Queerish  (2019)

You couldn’t sit outside
Without some trajectory
Some vast vocabulary
Hitting upside your head

You couldn’t read queer studies
To a Ballardian fuddy duddy
Messing with your data entry
Some self-conscious narco-mancy

Have we not lived too long?
Can you please digeriDON’T?
I’m only begging Apollo
For a few sensible follows

I only want to light up a smoke
Take a broken mirror home
Zapruder film please leave me alone
I only want an ice cream cone
(rept last 2 lines)

The Smarter King Of Deliria (2020)

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud
& this is the sound

[follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Sneerbot (2014)

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot says…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot says…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Beware The Rolling Logs  (2017ish)

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer-smelling dog
We’re gonna shoot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of spiritual babes who worship Hindus named Craig
Beware of racist grifters playing for political gain
Beware of every belief or of even giving relief
Beware of Einsturzende Neubauten as much as Judas Priest

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We shot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of eating bad things that turn out to be good
Beware of stuff that’s good for you that isn’t even food
Beware of arguing with people who quote Michel Foucault
Beware of garbage etymologists trying to steal all your faults

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We didn’t shoot P.J. O’Rourke

 (rhythm change)
When the world is almost over
I’m gonna be that fat lady who sings
So much to do in-between
Get big tits – record some hits
Maybe get married to Sting

How To Explain The Details

He took wheels made of concrete, tied them to a dead ox
Then put a boy who had both measles and the mumps on top
Boiled some tea using cadmium and rotted melon
And to guard it all he bought a matching set of escaped felons

At the opening with Jeff Koons Hirst and Emin
Drinking Pernod and passing out buttered pillow trim
Laughing vigorously at all of Emin’s cynical jokes
When the testicles of Valentino emerged from out my throat

What to do then how to explain the details?
It was that trip to Spain where I came upon some entrails
They weren’t testicular damned I cried in my defense
The artist just laughed at me and said this chokes at your expense

And that’s how I learned the ways of sensual martyrs
Not from some blue hair punkette in Stiv Bators dog collar
It took a friendly tea of cadmium and some melon stink
And something about Jeff Koons that made me want to go to sleep

Vertigo & World War 3 (2022)

With no fucks left to give
We fell into the abyss
And kept falling & falling falling endlessly
Vertigo and World War Three

And the gods said…
We gave them the pandemic
We sent some great floods
Australia was pretty much on fire
We got them to accept eating bugs
But World War 3 is gonna be big
Fry the trees and roast the pigs
And here’s the hilarious kicker
We’ll call the newsman Wolf Blitzer

Yes all the gods laughed and laughed
“Oh man that’s just way to crass”
Let’s get this thing movin’
Get around to shootin’ Putin
And America all rootin’ tootin’
Will probably give the final bruisin’
Drop the big one like once before
Melt the earth down to its core
What do you think the money was for?

Ain’t no micro-aggression
Get over yourself
No cure for depression
There’s nukes on that shelf
No contested election
No stories to tell
Death in every direction
Yes this is hell

Have a Dramamine
Have a wacky dream
Have a widespread illness
Take some time for silliness
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go
Vertigo

Don’t you know the way?
Just say Namaste
But don’t say gay
Watch those assholes pray
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go

Ignore  (2020)

Ignore
Out of boredom or torpor
The trending thing is so soporific
& your beauty & the moonlight is so terrific
So ignore

Ignore
Every Marie Kondo urging you pep talk
Every ugly rumor about Johnny Depp
Just ignore

& when you’re stuck in traffic
Some MAGA wearing a leather jacket
Some argument that trades logic for static
Ignore

And if everybody else lost the plot
& you ask are they really alive or not
Just lay yourself down on the cot
Have some whiskey & a little pot
& ignore

The post Infinite Gesture — 21 Lyrics in Search of Music appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Boomer Please (Buy My Apocalypse Songs)

While you’re standing around
Waiting for your grandkids to drown
Or maybe catch fire
After you’re dead and retired
You may as well listen
Get high and get pissed
To my apocalypse songs
Yes listen to this shit

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

I’ve got profiles in discourage
From The Airplane to the bees
Failed stories faded glories
All you need is flowers and beads
From Stealers Wheel to The Troggs
From glitter glam to 60s mods
And there was surely Pussy Galore
Stick around you won’t get bored

Boomer please
I’m down on my knees
Everything has gone wrong
Buy my apocalypse songs

We didn’t stop the fire (rept)

Actual Apocalypse (2020)

Everyone’s a prepper now
Everyone’s a mutilated cow
Everyone is making vows
Everybody take a final bow

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ Macs

One mask is for the disease
One mask is for the smoke
One mask is for avoiding police
Last toke before we’re broken

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

2020 that was the year
2020 the vision is clear
Gonna need four more beers
Drown the fire in my tears

Actual apocalypse
It isn’t fun like watching Mad Max
it isn’t clever like Oliver Sacks or
Insanely great like Steve Jobs’ macs

Ring around the platitudes
A pocket full of smug
Call & Response (rept. Many times)
East Coast Chorus
“Water water everywhere”

West Coast Chorus
“Ashes ashes”

Surfin’ Weatherman

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Shit’s getting Biblical from coast to coast
I’m moving’ to Ohio where the chicks are groovy
Surfin’ with Mike Love we’re gonna make it a movie

(to the tune of Surfing USA as stolen from Chuck Berry’s Sweet Little 16)
And they’ll be surfing in Boston
And in the ruins of Pompei
Deep in the deserts of Kashmir
L.A. has gone cra-cra
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

You don’t need a weatherman to know we’re toast
Everybody’s freakin’ from coast to coast
Going’ back to California where the chicks are pissed
They’ll kneel before my virtue when I raise my fist

And they’ll be shooting deniers
And oil CEOs
And all Republican Senators
And every Fox News host
They’ll all be grabbing their children
And all their property too
Tell everybody they’re surfing
And everything is cool

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi
Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

The Smarter King Of Deliria

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud

& this is the sound

[Follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Pulp (rept)

Pulp
Pulp
One slimy gulp
Cheese contrasts and compliments
A hint of leather methamphetamine crashing
Disconsolate poisoned rockabillies smashing
Or just a washed-up cabaret
Playing themes around a town without pity

Laughter as much as revulsion
Prayer beads of a tactless devotion
A goblin drinking from a guilty pump
Ectoplasm and it’s slithering amok
Could be Falstaff but I know it’s Puck
Get thee to puppetry to come unstuck

There’s something special in the grime
Lipstick smeared before a wife of crime
The whipped clean sheen of a mall
It’s only pulp but here have mine
Love ain’t like anthrax at all
It’s only pulp but give it time

It’s only pulp but give it time (rept)

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
with that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Infinite Troll

In this lightly sprinkled phase
Of quasi-historical banter
Do you like Phyllis Diller
More than Paul Kantner?

I challenge you to a high stakes game
Of triage and hospitalization
Nearly fatal illnesses terrible stillnesses
What have you got to lose then?
You have no friends and might just mend
The betting starts and some day it ends
That’s when the payoff takes its toll
Chased across the data in an infinite troll

And now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)
Now I need an infinite rest (and that’s death)

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

The Enlightenment Entitlement

Yoginini Joes has a private shaman
She screams “don’t interrupt me” at her maid called Carmen
Who’s polishing the Paltrow vagina candle
When Yogini Jones flies off the handle
Shouting “don’t touch that talisman
It awaits the sacred phalisman
Unenlightened wretch you make me tired
I live in perfect peace and you’re fucking fired

The next thing you know Yoginini’s giving lectures
On how to stay positive — her bodyguard is Hector
Hector is a killer microdosing PCP
And Yoginini Jones is selling branded tantric pee
In a definite misunderstanding Yogini contacts me
I tell her I can’t help you dear — maybe try Flea
Flea invites him up to his place for wine and brie
But hw just won’t get behind the branded tantric pee

(repeat 3 times)
Enlightenment entitlement
Tantric pee is heaven sent
Buy Gwyneth’s sacred scent
With a tasteful dash of decadent

@thehonorable

A Brief Discourse

I got the word from the Bolshevik shaman
Who thinks he’s also a Hindu Brahmin
Drank Iboga from a patented cup
I just shrugged and said “Cool what’s for supper”
Around me people were puking up shit
Put it on youtube — it could be a hit
They cried and tugged and gouged at their eyes
Pluck them out was not that surprising

But back to the operatic scene at hand
The long and boring road from madness to bland
Like reeling in the years and bobbing for Snapple
Getting paid to keep it low down and subtle
When that “all hell” broke loose I was in the back

Brokering a truce and wearing a dunce cap
Trying hard for death with pills and soda
Hovering around for just one last Mimosa

Sneerbot

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot said…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot said…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Blank Panther Party

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

I learned to multiplex before I could add
I was a murderess before I was sad
My micro-mini is way below my knees
I ain’t no goddamn tease

I hit the racetrack I was loaded with cash
Was feeling guilty and a wee bit rash
Bet all my winnings on a system crash
And now I’ve gotta dash

The universe is made of Crayola
I lost the ‘70s thanks to payola
I was a member of the Blank Panther Party
Ripped on coke and Bacardi

Flabbergasted

Well I used to be disgusted
And then I tried to be amused
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted
At the depth of the abuse
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life?
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other
So mark your turf — Then run for cover

Helter luxury Shelter

When you get to the bottom of the world
Just find some expensive California girls
Build a luxury home with all the convenience
Invite three billionaires and one digital genius

You’ll start a new race that’s probably pale
This human race is about to fail
Don’t worry ‘bout them you’ll soon set sail
From the launching pad in the desert sun
Who knew holocausts could be so much fun
In your helter luxury shelter
In your helter luxury shelter
Days of fire and desert swelter
In your helter luxury shelter

They Canceled Lenny Bruce

Do you remember when chaos was a state of play
Do you remember “punk rock is here to stay”
Do you remember when Sister Ray was très outré
When Bowie asked… “or even yesterday?”

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I still have a glimmer of rascalinity
But now it’s one inch short of divinity
My jest is a million miles from infinity
I may be creepy crawling towards morbidity

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

I used to chatter to the birds and bees
Grabbed the branches and climbed the trees\
I’m picking fleas, man… all this disease
All that’s left now is to vomit and sneeze

I’m wearing deplatform shoes
I’ve got the fear monger blues
When you ain’t got somewhere
You got no choice to choose
And now I’m yesterday’s news
They canceled Lenny Bruce

Say The Right Thing

(first movement: Simcerely)

One more shot at glamour
Everybody’s dead in Alabama
Your status symbol’s your latest trauma
Don’t bring the noise bring the drama
Bring all the bad karma
& the Dalai Lama
& lay your burden down on me
Come on lay it down

Simcerely yours
You’re the boss
Just a lost cause
No remorse

(second movement: Draw the Curtain)

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

Reemergence as the prince of naught
Truly ready for the triumph of the nil
All the hip kids need a reason to go on
Like ’73 when I saw Satyricon

The next 4 years were sexy and steamy
I thought I was Frederick Fellini
It was a blast it couldn’t last
I even wound up with my dick in a cast

Chump change with President Carter He said peanuts I said barter
A punk group was a total nonstarter
Drunken blonde was my perfect partner

She had a poster of Ulrike Meinhoff
She knew how to kick and she knew how to scoff
When the boys tried to climb on board
Her cutting words were as a sword so…

Last blast of spectacle
Termite feeding on the bloated corpse
I want a piece of the action
Fuck y’all and your way rad factions

(Third Movement Say The Right Thing)

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re all certain
Bring down the curtain
They’re so young

They’re no fun
They’re so young
They’re no fun

Trite makes right
Uptight
Trite makes right
Uptight
Walk upright
Polite
Walk upright
Polite

I live in a world of perpetual crisis
We want to get out but we know what the price is
Death come fast
After this repast

It’s tasty in the bakery
Sticky in the mines
We’re trying to get out
Just tell me when it’s time

She’s got the bling
But she says the right thing
It don’t mean a thing
Of thee we sing

(rept with increased stridency)

Say the right thing

The post Buy My Apocalypse Songs (15 Lyrics In Search Of Music) appeared first on Mondo 2000.

Avant God  (2016)

I want an avant god 
Loving perversity 
Unlimited diversity 

Optimized for your VR cabal 
Totally portable 
Sometimes snortable 

Gendered or not
Maybe subject to rot
Why not?

The avant god is as real
As the knees on which they kneel
Try to keep it on an even keel
The kind of god you have to steal

The avant god is false
The kind of god you must report
The kind of god that misses court
The kind of god you know you want

I want an avant god
Loving perversity
Unlimited diversity

The Tedium Is The Message (2018)

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume anymore
Another song — I’m just another bore

Every day with nothin’ to sing
Luxury communism the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

You know it hit me in the gut
Rampaging glut of culture
Nobody needs to consume any more
Another song I’m just another bore
Every day nothin’ to sing
Luxury communisms the next big thing
Yeah it’s the thing that’s hot
And this new song… I guess it’s not

(psychedelic breakdown musical interlude) 

The tedium is the message
Culture ain’t your friend
Be all psilocybin imbibin’
Strange attractor til the end
That list of albums you never send
That last attempt to make a trend
It’s all just gonna end
Culture ain’t your friend

The tedium is the message
Go tell it on the stage
Tear down the proscenium walls
Another crack at days of rage
Old yippie act your age
Or turn in your back pages
We’ll throw them in the fire
And we’ll wear grown up attire

Flabbergasted 

Well I used to be disgusted 
And then I tried to be amused 
But now I’m just plain flabbergasted 
At the depth of the abuse 
And I’m not singing ‘bout a bad date 
And I’m not singing ‘bout ya 2 minutes hate 
I’m looking at the new level of crazy
With their hands wrapped around our fate

Does anybody remember the quantified life? 
(R. Plant voice) Does anybody remember laughter?
Does anybody remember the balcony speeches?
Does anyone remember bloodletting and leeches?
Does anyone remember the days before then?
Lugubrious meetings with remake-able men
& Little Brother is watching one and other 
So mark your turf — Then run for cover 

Our Cruel Father Who Art Beheaded (2020)

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Shallow be thy almost long tail
Thy ghosts are feted no statues erected
& all the tasty treatises are pungent stale
You took a wish upon a star
Even your golf game was subpar
And there’s no remorse just one less source
Of crumblin’’ dice & slammed shut doors

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Our cruel father who art beheaded
Swallowed much too much for one man
Took his sadness to the blood bank
Now there’s nothing much left to brand
With all the sins the eater consumes
All the letting a million lilacs bloom
All the fantasies dreamed by the TV
All the tricks that say can you see

Our cruel father
Lost his head
Who will bake
All the children bread
Who will run
The important biznesses
Who will count
All the lesser sicknesses

Two Truthers and a Birther Walked Into A Bar (2016)

Two truthers and a birther walked into a bar
The truthers had some ritalin — the birther had a car
They made a pact right then and there
To tell the folks who didn’t care
About the bad things being done
And get some guns and have some fun

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers split to berkeley & hung out in a tree
The birther went to Nashville  — The Grand Opry
They planned to meet halfway between
And make the sheeple share their dream
By dropping acid in the tea
Then pirating every Tee Vee

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The birther trained the truthers in marksmanship and fight
The truthers showed the birther how to hack into a bank
But things went south when Truther One
Shared all their plans with Neil Young
Who wrote a song then turned them in
While slipping each a Mickey Finn

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

The truthers woke up sadly in a stuporous haze
They swore to all in court it had just been a phase
The birther returned to the south
Big hero by word of mouth
Did a day maybe two in jail
Ex-Governor Perry paid his bail

Scrambled codes make scrambled minds
Strategic lies make paranoids
Anemic guys make angry blogs
Unhappy girls want perfect bods

We Are Duchampians of the World (Infinite Gesture) (2019)

Libido mosquito
Found in a purse
Dead man’s soup can
Things could be worse
Infinite gesture
Obstinate curse
Reframe the same refrain
Give it another name

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

Regrettably circumspect
More sly than high
Ivy league and twee
Means shit to me
Infinite gesture
Land of the fee
Home of the craven
Reframe the same refrain

We are Duchampians my fiendish little friends
And we neverminded the Karens or the Kens
We are Duchampians
We are Duchampians
Open for cruising
And we are Duchampians of the world

The Stepfather Of His Country

He was the stepfather of his country
But he raised the kids as his own
He gave them ears of corn — oodles of porn
But when they bought bad cocaine they earned his scorn

& when they all got older
He turned them into soldiers
Strapping tote bags to their shoulders
filled with weapons of mirth
It was all rather cheery
He read them Dr. Leary
Until those silly numbskulls
Decided to give birth

That was just the final straw
This was just what killed their pa
“Birth & death stay from my door
What do you think the porn was for?
To make you each one onanistic
Now I’ll get a bit fascistic”

One by one he ate his grandkids
Chowed them down like gutted pigs
Except one who was schizophrenic
& could produce some anaesthetic
Together they drifted into a coma
Singing gleeful songs of soma

& thus a world was born & died
All because of a stepdads pride
It takes a village to make things fair
Fuckin’ stepdad didn’t care

No Rest For The Precariat  (2019)

Dumb easy feckless proles
Matrons danced the Watusi
Hoodlum malcontents did the stroll
Early tech geeks couldn’t find sushi

Assholes like me were relentlessly droll
Dads at home acted like il Duce
Middle class kids weren’t on the dole
Everyone bowled and went to the movies

But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

Punters fighting punters
Owners sailing yachts
We can jump into the fire
But we cant afford new Reeboks
Nothing much is left to say
It’s cyberwar from day to day
Street distress from night to night
Play instruments of madcap blight

And now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat
But now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
Now there’s no rest
For the Precariat

MONDO is Italian for World (2019)

When I opened up her fridge
Saw tablespoons of monkey jizz
Preserved within a box of lemons
Next to the tarantula venom
That is when I had to see
This was just the gal for me

All along the citadel
Physicists were raising hell
Alchemists were raising heaven
Magicians were raising seven
Fools were shouting 23
This must be the place for me

Soon an apparition came
Carrying a vial of fame
Pleased to meet you what’s my name?
“I’m the scepter and the stain”
Come on in, call me “him”
Take this number, call up Tim

It was all a mad charade
And a glorious freak parade
Some got screwed but some got laid
Most got something some got paid
Mondo is Italian for world
I knew this had to be my girl’’

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung  (2020)

Deleuze Guittari Gnash & Jung
They weren’t having too much fun
Til Dylan came along in a big-ass truck
Sayin’’ “Hey who really gives a fuck?”

They all piled in pointing at him
Taking narcotics and drinking gin
Bob asked “who here plays guitar
Who else here is a fuckin’ star?
& if you don’t like blues harmonica
Get the fuck out my car”

Well they had to think of something
Deleuze started humming
Then Jung started dreamin’
And Gnash started schemin’

Bob said “that’ll have to do”
Guattari said “I ain’t no fool
Let’s cruise drunken through the burbs
Pretend that we’re the angry birds”

They saw the white men cooking chicken
That is when the plot did thicken
While Deleuze and Guattari screamed like angry birds
Dylan didn’t say a fuckin’ word

Soon the neighbors with their guns
Cried “go elsewhere with all your fun
We like Bob Dylan and we like puns
But we have no truck with Carl Jung”

And just to make them stay away
Said “Last week we fucked up Dr. Dre
And if you wanna see the dawn
Hey hey you you get offa my lawn”

(rept many times)
They said “hey hey you you get offa my lawn

Lip Sync Ships Stinker

Torn limb from limb by the mean girls at the orphanage
Glued back together in a spirited attempt at hoodoo bricolage
Went on a rampage of irreligious sacrilege
It didn’t matter to her a whit if it was Islam or written in Sanskrit

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

She sniffed the air tingling & tasting loves uneasy lunacy
Saw sorrowful vistas spotted with funereal urns
She rang a doorbell brought her neighbors an eerie shrieking doll
With that invasion they entered the dreamlands of the unwell

Lip syncs sink ships
Uncle Fester loves Trent Reznor
Polly the hijacker wants a cracker
Lip sync ships stinker

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Blue (2020)

(every other line is verse/chorus i.e. call/response, etc.)

What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Who’s gonna be your new Tipper Gore?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Did you beat the militias to the gun store?
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Will it be televised virtual or raw?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Will it be tearful fearful and more?
What will you wear to the new civil war?
They’ve got the bullets we’ve got the queens
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Scare ‘em up with pictures of guillotines
What will you wear to the new civil war?

His name’s Erik Prince and he’s not funky
Live free or dye your hair blue
Should we wear grunge or a wee bit punky?
Live free or dye your hair blue
Frilly shirts & scarves like those elegant junkies? (distant voice shouting … “it’s only rock and roll”)
Live free or dye your hair blue
What will you wear to the new civil war?
Live free or dye your hair blue

Live Free Or Dye Your Hair Pink (2021)

Live free or dye your hair pink
The choice is easier than you think
There ain’t no choices just cacophony of voices
It’s the entire kitchen sink
So while we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events
While we try to make sense
Ideas are being steamrolled by events

An intoxicating mixture of dogshit and fennel
Chowed down right there in the very kennel
A handful of bros and their surly bitches
Laughing in the faces of beheaded snitches
And if’n that don’t float your boat
See what the news is with your remote
Yes pandemonium comes to all seven seas
Pirates with nukes and the deadly bees

So take a moment to name your poison
To run with the wolves or hang with the boys ‘n’
Take a quick pic for an NFT fortune
Or just wait around for the next bus to Boston

Not A Bug But A Feature (2017)

We all have a lot of drugs
It’s not a bug it’s a feature
And me I’m easily buzzed
So I can give you a bunch of my drugs

They tell me hugs not studs
They tell me don’t piss in the strudel
But I don’t care for their advice
I’ve got some drugs to make me nice

We’re having too much fun
And all the guns are loaded
And we were born to be wacked
And we were made to attack

We were born inside out
Like in a Cronenberg movie
But we have lots of strange drugs
Therefore the whole thing is groovy

Queerish  (2019)

You couldn’t sit outside
Without some trajectory
Some vast vocabulary
Hitting upside your head

You couldn’t read queer studies
To a Ballardian fuddy duddy
Messing with your data entry
Some self-conscious narco-mancy

Have we not lived too long?
Can you please digeriDON’T?
I’m only begging Apollo
For a few sensible follows

I only want to light up a smoke
Take a broken mirror home
Zapruder film please leave me alone
I only want an ice cream cone
(rept last 2 lines)

The Smarter King Of Deliria (2020)

The girl at the ticket booth
Started wailing and weeping
With all the grieving
A body could hold seething
& the bouncer standing near to me
With cracked and violent idiot glee
Was swinging his fists randomly
Saying everybody gets in for free
But first you have to get passed me

Everyone from all around
saying stuff that sounds profound
& a smarter king of Deliria
That day was duly crowned
& if you listen a wee bit closer
To all the people in the ground
You’ll hear them screaming loud
& this is the sound

[follow with Ornette Coleman meets Jimi Hendrix 8 minute jam]

Sneerbot (2014)

The edgelord built a sneerbot
He knew it would replace him
When it came time to upload his mind
He slipped away on a vacation
He hid out in Tangiers
Imagining he was Brion Gysin
But Edgelord pals can’t be trusted
And one day one slipped him some ricin

And we were laughing all the way to the bank
But we found the account was vacant
We tried everything from flash to bland
And to making the sex more blatant
We tried pitching to the British ravers
And to the sincere planet savers
And to the loony libertarians
Who didn’t do us too many favors

And the sneerbot says…
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe there own asses

And the sneerbot says…
Look at this history of the human masses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
And look at this dude tryin’ to boil his own eggs
Man those humans was on their last legs

Watched jocks and the hippies share a kegger
And give free oysters to the local beggar
I’ve seen this all with my very own eyes
Man these humans they take the fuckin’ prize

and the sneerbot said
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses
Haw haw haw they used to wipe their own asses

Beware The Rolling Logs  (2017ish)

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer-smelling dog
We’re gonna shoot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of spiritual babes who worship Hindus named Craig
Beware of racist grifters playing for political gain
Beware of every belief or of even giving relief
Beware of Einsturzende Neubauten as much as Judas Priest

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We shot P.J. O’Rourke

Beware of eating bad things that turn out to be good
Beware of stuff that’s good for you that isn’t even food
Beware of arguing with people who quote Michel Foucault
Beware of garbage etymologists trying to steal all your faults

We’re rolling logs
He lets me pet his frog
I use his cancer smelling dog
We didn’t shoot P.J. O’Rourke

 (rhythm change)
When the world is almost over
I’m gonna be that fat lady who sings
So much to do in-between
Get big tits – record some hits
Maybe get married to Sting

How To Explain The Details

He took wheels made of concrete, tied them to a dead ox
Then put a boy who had both measles and the mumps on top
Boiled some tea using cadmium and rotted melon
And to guard it all he bought a matching set of escaped felons

At the opening with Jeff Koons Hirst and Emin
Drinking Pernod and passing out buttered pillow trim
Laughing vigorously at all of Emin’s cynical jokes
When the testicles of Valentino emerged from out my throat

What to do then how to explain the details?
It was that trip to Spain where I came upon some entrails
They weren’t testicular damned I cried in my defense
The artist just laughed at me and said this chokes at your expense

And that’s how I learned the ways of sensual martyrs
Not from some blue hair punkette in Stiv Bators dog collar
It took a friendly tea of cadmium and some melon stink
And something about Jeff Koons that made me want to go to sleep

Vertigo & World War 3 (2022)

With no fucks left to give
We fell into the abyss
And kept falling & falling falling endlessly
Vertigo and World War Three

And the gods said…
We gave them the pandemic
We sent some great floods
Australia was pretty much on fire
We got them to accept eating bugs
But World War 3 is gonna be big
Fry the trees and roast the pigs
And here’s the hilarious kicker
We’ll call the newsman Wolf Blitzer

Yes all the gods laughed and laughed
“Oh man that’s just way to crass”
Let’s get this thing movin’
Get around to shootin’ Putin
And America all rootin’ tootin’
Will probably give the final bruisin’
Drop the big one like once before
Melt the earth down to its core
What do you think the money was for?

Ain’t no micro-aggression
Get over yourself
No cure for depression
There’s nukes on that shelf
No contested election
No stories to tell
Death in every direction
Yes this is hell

Have a Dramamine
Have a wacky dream
Have a widespread illness
Take some time for silliness
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go
Vertigo

Don’t you know the way?
Just say Namaste
But don’t say gay
Watch those assholes pray
Before world war three
Before world war three
This ain’t the space age
We ain’t here to go

Ignore  (2020)

Ignore
Out of boredom or torpor
The trending thing is so soporific
& your beauty & the moonlight is so terrific
So ignore

Ignore
Every Marie Kondo urging you pep talk
Every ugly rumor about Johnny Depp
Just ignore

& when you’re stuck in traffic
Some MAGA wearing a leather jacket
Some argument that trades logic for static
Ignore

And if everybody else lost the plot
& you ask are they really alive or not
Just lay yourself down on the cot
Have some whiskey & a little pot
& ignore

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