It sounds a lot like you're dealing with burnout. One of the quickest recipes for burnout is putting all of the value on the results of the work rather than finding the work itself inherently rewarding - valuing the explicit reward instead of an implicit one. These two aren't always causal, which can result in this disjointed feeling and lack of motivation. Since you're not seeing any results from your work, it feels like a lot of wasted time and energy.

The quickest way to provide that explicit reward is to see players enjoying the results of your work. This doesn't have to be through a shipped game, it can be through your own personal projects as well. One of our Discord members enjoys posting his own personal playable game projects to our indie channel, where people can try them. These are not massively scoped games, but they are fun and the play testers do appreciate them. The feeling that your work is not wasted is important to getting validation that your efforts are worthwhile.

A longer-term solution to switch to implicit enjoyment of your work is to embrace a sense of detachment from the results of your work and focus on doing tasks that you enjoy doing for their own sake. I don't focus on what the results of my work will get me when I go into my job at all. I focus on the part of the work I find inherently rewarding and interesting - I treat my tasks like puzzles and I solve them. The feeling of solving a puzzle is rewarding and interesting to me on its own, I would feel good solving problems and puzzles all day long. The other stuff - the rewards for doing well at work and the promotions and whatever - are obviously important and there is some long-term meta-game strategy, but the day-to-day job satisfaction is entirely based on doing the things I find inherently engaging to begin with.

You might not find that to be the case (or even possible) in your current place of employment, or even in general. What is job satisfaction worth to you? Perhaps you could find a new employer that matches your needs better? It's difficult to say for sure. I also suggest talking to a therapist about this. Therapists are there to advocate for and provide context to you in the field of mental health. Pursuing a career that is more engaging is certainly a reasonable goal that a mental health professional should be able to assist with. A good mental health professional should certainly help you identify and work through the feelings of burnout you've expressed.

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